I just finished reading Jewel’s autobiography “Never Broken: Songs are Only Half the Story”, and it was one of the most enjoyable reads of my life…and I read a lot. The honesty with which she tells the tale of her life, the ups and downs (and oh, Lord, has she had some downs), never blaming anyone for the things that happened, always taking responsibility and owning her life – it’s mindblowing. This book should be required reading for every young girl – I can guarantee you that the Wee One will be reading this in a few years, as there’s a lot she can learn from Jewel.


Here are some of my favorite bits from the book:

You need nothing other than what is in your heart.

No one can keep you captive.No one can keep you unhappy. We do not need to let our histories or our losses define us except in the way we choose.

Reality is our perception of it. Our reality is what we believe it to be. What we believe informs our thoughts. Our thoughts inform our actions. Our actions build our lives.

You don’t outrun pain.

Each of us has a self that exists undamaged and whole, from the moment we are born, waiting to be reclaimed. My life has not been about fixing what is broken. It has been about engaging in a loving and tender archaeological dig back to my true self.

A spirit cannot be broken.

Hard wook grows slowly.

I wish I could tell every young girl how special and valuable they are. I wish someone had told me.

I realized that happiness was not some bird that landed on your shoulder by accident, but was a skill that was taught, or not taught, in certain houses and families.

Negative self-criticism is an iron chain that will never let you ascend to real greatness.

Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you condone or approve of what they did. Forgiveness is not for the other person at all. It has nothing to do with whether they deserve it or not. Forgiveness is an act of self-love. The best revenge really is a life well lived.

In you lives my hopes and dreams. I believe in you.

I have always felt I had to try so hard to be loved, as if being alive were not enough. I had to be perfect, had to make myself small, unfalteringly kind, without needs. Even though I knew better rationally, I felt that who I already was wasn’t enough to be loved by a parent or a partner.

Before you have a baby, you have an ego, an image of yourself that’s been built up over time. You have an identity, forged in the ways you define beauty, sexuality, romance, success, the who and why of your self-worth. And when you have a child, you literally just take a hammer to it. The center of the universe is changed, and you have to redefine who you are relative to this new addition in your life. Sex and what’s sexy to you are no longer the same. What’s romantic to you is no longer the same. Everything is redefined. We mourn the loss of freedom and identity, and we must discover and redefine what makes us feel beautiful, sexy, supported, romanced, successful. You have to give yourself space to learn what the new definitions are – you don’t know overnight. I was a new piece of art. I was a work in progress.

Love and partnership mean being a witness to someone’s life, and loving and supporting them the whole way through no matter what.

A heart can break onmly if it is closed – if it remains open there is nothing to break.

Life is everchanging. What is consistent is knowing I am up for anything. That I am never broken.

Life broke parts of me that needed to fall away for me to live an open and truthful life.

Life demanded that I get rid of my ego, my facade, my contrived safety nets, until I was reduced to my true nature, so it could shine unhindered. I needed to know great darkness to know my light. I needed to understand extreme constraint to know my freedom. I needed to face shame to know my own worth.

This has been a long and imperfect journey. It is a journey I am still on. I will always be on. And it is one I would like to share with you. I want company along my road. This is an invitation to question your life and, should you desire, to find the courage to erase the lines that imprison you and to reimagine a better you. And if you do not get it just right (none of us do), you are invited to keep redrawing and redrawing until you feel your outer world matches your inner life.

This is serious. Every day that passes is another day closer to looking  back on your life and seeing whether you have done something meaningful. Don’t let the days pass wtihout doing something great. Be the architect of your dreams.


Aren’t these passages great? The whole book is – so honest, so hopeful…I can’t stop thinking about it. Towards the end of the book, she mentions embracing imperfection – I think about that idea a lot. Instead of striving for someone else’s ideals of what ‘perfect’ should be, wouldn’t it be better if we just lived our own version of perfection? Isn’t what we are absolutely perfect enough? If not, then it bloody well ought to be. This past weekend, Amber Rose hosted a SlutWalk in Los Angeles, and she was joined by the lovely Tess Holliday – and a ton of other women – walking to reclaim the rights of all women. Check out this article from CNN:

Amber Rose, an actress and model known for her personal style and steady position on the gossip pages, staged a “SlutWalk” in Los Angeles on Saturday that has folks debating the usefulness of the term and what it represents.

SlutWalks started in 2011 in response to a flippant remark reportedly made by a police officer after a spate of sexual assaults on the campus of Canada’s York University. According to local media reports, the officer said: “Women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized.”

Women in Toronto, outraged by the comment, took to the streets dressed in lingerie and skimpy clothing, to spread the message that women should not be subject to sexual violence regardless of what they’re wearing.


The notion spread, and SlutWalks now occur year-round across the globe. Rose announced recently that she would headline a walk at L.A.’s Pershing Square.
“[W]e recognize that shaming, oppression, assault and violence have disproportionately impacted marginalized groups including women of color, transgender people and sex workers, and thus we are actively working to center these groups in this event,” reads a statement on the Amber Rose SlutWalk webpage. “We deeply value the voices of marginalized groups and have a strong desire to find common ground among all of our intersections.”

Rose, a former stripper who gained fame during her relationships with rappers Kanye West and Wiz Khalifa, has lately been speaking out against the concept of “slut shaming,” or slamming a person for their sexual choices. She and friend Blac Chyna walked the MTV Video Music Awards red carpet in August wearing outfits emblazoned with phrases used to denigrate women.

Rose told the SlutWalk crowd about the first time she was “slut shamed” at 14. She then tearfully said she forgave West for saying he needed “30 showers” after being with her and Khalifa for calling her nothing but a stripper.

Rose appeared at the walk wearing black lingerie and her signature platinum blond buzz cut. She carried a sign that said “Strippers have feelings too” and started a chant that’s not publishable here — the gist being that women own their bodies and have freedom of choice.

The Los Angeles Times reported that the march was attended by “several hundred” people, mostly women. Some wore undergarments and wrote slogans on their skin while a few even went topless. “My clothes are not my consent,” said one sign.

Online supporters said the SlutWalk message is important for men and women to grasp.

“the #amberroseslutwalk was making the important point that women’s bodies are theirs to control, no one elses,” wrote a Twitter user who goes by “Blige.”

“Closed minded people see naked women asking for attention from the #AmberRoseSlutWalk but open minded people understand the message sent,” wrote another.

“Stop shaming women for their bodies and their choices,” wrote J. Emanual on Twitter. “Let them own their sexuality.”


Isn’t this great? I love it – I don’t know what rock I have been hiding under, but I had never heard about Kanye and that ’30 showers’ thing. I have absolutely zero use for that man to begin with, but now…well, what an absolute piece of shit. Who says that??! Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. These are the kinds of things that make me despair for the world, you know – and all the more reason why a book like the one written by Jewel is so very important. We all can use the hope.

I don’t want to finish up with Kanye being the last thing I talk about – instead, how about this, one of my very favorite Jewel songs – it just kills my heart every single time. Love it. :-)



Walk On By

I have spent a lot of time recently thinking about the idea of self-actualization, manifesting the life we want, and how all we really are is our thoughts. If we think we are shit, we are – and if we think we are pretty friggin’ awesome, then we are that, too. I’ve spent a lifetime battling the voices in my own head, constantly believing that better things didn’t come my way because I didn’t deserve them…which is more than a little ludicrous, I know. The trick for me has been overcoming those voices, making it clear that I myself am more than enough as I am, and just getting on with the business of enjoying all of the great things in life. I do this most of the time these days – which is awesome. I’m not perfect every day by any means, but…I’m making progress, and I’ve found ways to accept and marvel at the person that I am. It certainly makes life a whole lot easier, not to mention more fun! :-) You’d be bloody amazed by the opportunities that land in your lap when you conduct yourself like the super-amazing badass that you are! :-)


One thing that has been a huge struggle for me was putting aside my pursuit of my doctorate degree – I haven’t cancelled it all together, I’ve just hit the pause button. For now. I wasn’t able to devote myself to it 100%, and I didn’t want to keep half-assing it any longer. I wanted to take a break from the pressure that it was putting on me (and I was putting on myself), and I wanted to reclaim a good piece of my free time – and spend that on developing a real personal life for myself. All work and no play makes someone dull…and I wasn’t interested in that, let me tell you!! I accepted a different degree to recognize the work that I did, which is something to be proud of…yet I was sitting around feeling shame, like some sort of loser jackass. It was just stupid. I went through the motions – framed the diploma, hung it up in my office, bought myself a lovely present to celebrate (which helped a fair bit), but…I was still feeling weird, as if I was a failure. And then I read this little gem, about Blake Lively closing down her lifestyle website Preserve, of all things:

Entrepreneurs and A-list celebrities have one major thing in common: They are fodder for unbelievable scrutiny. From a product’s success to what they wear on the red carpet, it’s all fair game for criticism.

So when actress Blake Lively launched lifestyle site Preserve last year, she was hit with a double whammy of hateration. Fans slammed her about issues with site design, product descriptions, and sky-high prices. Plus, all of the outside critiques were heaped on top of her own dissatisfaction with the site, which she revealed to Time.

Today, Lively announced that she is shutting the site down completely on October 9.

“It never caught up to its original mission,” she told Vogue. “It’s not making a difference in people’s lives, whether superficially or in a meaningful way. And that’s the whole reason I started this company, not just to fluff myself, like, ‘I’m a celebrity! People will care what I have to say!’ It was so never meant to be that.

As any entrepreneur can relate, pulling the plug on a startup is a huge ego blow. It can feel like a failure, like everything you’ve worked so hard to create has crumbled and you’ll be pegged as a quitter. With the shuttering of Preserve, Lively knows exactly how that feels.

Ending it is “very exciting and it’s also incredibly scary,” she continued. “I never thought I would have the bravery to actually do that, to take the site dark and to say, ‘You know what? I haven’t created something that is as true and impactful as I know it can and will be.’”

While walking away can be scary, not only is it completely understandable, it is a decision that true leaders sometimes have to make. Lively added, “I know what it’ll look like, what I’m facing publicly, that people are just going to have a heyday with this. But it’s so much worse to continue to put something out there—to ask my team to put something out there—that isn’t the best we can do. I’m going to take this hit, and the only way I can prove all the negative reactions wrong is to come back with a plan that will rock people.”

So the next time you’re beating yourself up for walking away from a job or a project, remember the power of making tough decisions and following your gut. As Lively proves, quitting and walking away aren’t the same thing, and they sure as hell don’t make you less of a boss. In fact, as Lively said, it will make you stronger “because without great risks it’s impossible to have huge success.”


Hmmm. I like this a whole lot. Makes sense, and certainly makes me feel like less of a failure than I have been feeling lately. This new degree of mine is an amazing accomplishment that few people have – I have so much to be proud of. As well, it’s not the end of the road for me/my life/my career…and I’m not a loser for this one, either. Damn those voices in my head!


The more I think about the idea of manifesting the life I want, the more it makes sense to me…but how? There is a Buddhist proverb that has been inspiring me lately: “If you have a problem that can be fixed, then there is no use in worrying. If you have a problem that cannot be fixed, then there is no use in worrying.”  If you know me in real life, you know what a struggle this is, as I am a world class fretter – or, I used to be. I was a person that needed to classify things and put a label on them, when frequently the situation I was trying to figure out was just so beautiful that no definition was needed. I worried about every possible thing that could go wrong at any time, instead of wiggling in and getting comfortable with the beauty that was all around me. Thankfully, I don’t do that much anymore – and I’ve zero intention of returning to Torment Town again anytime soon. I spent so much time catastrophizing (that’s a word, right?) all the things that could go wrong, that it’s no wonder they so often did – it was me who was bringing on the rains. Ridiculous! All of the energy that I’ve spent on the negative things has been slowly migrating towards the positive, and I’ve been working on applying Maslow’s theory of self-actualization to my everyday living:

1. Experience life fully and vividly

I am enjoying myself so much more these days, I’m finding heaps of pleasure in the tiniest of moments, and I feel like the colors around me are brighter. Here’s an illustration of this – this past Friday was my Dad’s birthday, traditionally a sad day for me. I spent the latter part of the evening watching a movie that I KNOW he’d have loved – A Million Ways to Die in the West – and laughed my fool head off at just how foul, silly, and colorful it all was. I toasted my dad with a fine Molson Canadian, and felt happy instead of blue. The work day on Friday had been chaotic, but I spent that evening doing my favorite things, was happy as could be, and enjoyed every single second of it. I need more evenings like that. :-)

2. Be honest in my choices

Think of life as a series of choices, one after another, and be as truthful with myself as I make my choices. This has been hard – actually, being honest in my choices isn’t the hard part, it’s having to tell others why I’ve done what I’ve done that’s the rub. I stand by the decisions I’ve made in life, good bad or indifferent (I don’t do much that I feel indifferent about, actually) – but I hate hurting other people, so sometimes I just keep my honesty to myself. It seems kinder that way, don’t you think?

3. Be aware of the uniqueness of myself

I’ve never stumbled when it comes to realizing that I am one unique kitten – I’ve known forever that I was born to stand out. Accepting that this is okay has been where the challenge is for me – but what choice do I have?

4. Act with integrity

I am trying to act with integrity, and I always take responsibility for my actions. There are things that I am avoiding dealing with at the moment, but… I will get there one of these days, I promise. I’m trying. :-)

5. Be courageous

I think that I have done an okay job at learning to become courageous. I don’t back down from anything, I live as bravely as I can – and, I’m learning to express the things I like and don’t like, without fear of hurting someone’s feelings. This is progress, friends! :-)

6. Self-development

I am constantly working on myself, and I hope that continues until I take my final breath. I read a lot of things designed to help me become a better me, I engage in the act of self-care on a regular basis, and I am being so much kinder to myself. Yaa me! :-)

7. Peak experiences

I have had the odd peak experience (which Maslow described as ‘transient moments of self-actualization’). These experiences are times that you feel truly at peace and in harmony with your environment and the universe and are marked by a feeling of euphoria and deep joy. My goal? To have as many of those as possible in a week. Sometimes, when things are really tough at work, I crawl under my desk and have a quiet moment – it’s a bit of a running joke in the office, but for me it is essential. I need to have that quiet, safe space where I can just take a moment, shut off everything that is happening outside my door, and just be. It’s awesome. :-)

8. Lack of ego defences

This is a tough one for me, for I can be a defensive mo’fo when push comes to shove. I am learning to let go of the troublesome defense mechanisms that I keep around me (they keep me safe inside, and everyone else on the outside of that wall….and most of them don’t even realize that that is where they are), and becoming more accepting of people, and of letting those around me get close. It turns out that having people close to you isn’t so bad at all…provided that they are the right people. :-)


It’s all a journey, isn’t it? I’ve just finished reading Jewel’s autobiography “Never Broken” – I will write a review soon – and I can’t stop thinking about that book. In it, she talks about a soul being something that is never broken…a sentiment that I absolutely love. By all accounts, the path of my life should have broken me a million times over – it’s like I saw the fork in the road, the easy way in life and the hard way, and I said, “F- it” to both of them and took off through the woods, to the truly tough terrain…choosing to make my life out of the most difficult of circumstances. The thing is, though, that I’m still here, still hiking (metaphorically speaking, of course – I’m not much of a hiker, especially here in Texas…too many damn critters out in the wild). That has to count for something. :-)



Written in the Stars

I received an email from Refinery 29 this morning with my horoscope for the week – behold:


Relationships aren’t exactly a walk in the park this week, Aries. As the week begins, the moon and rebellious Uranus align in your sign making you wonder why you even bother with other people sometimes. And even the ones you DO love may seem to be interrupting you from your personal quest. On Wednesday, the self-centered sun and Mercury retrograde mash up in your relationship house and a battle of the egos could ensue. While you’ve never been one to back down from a fight, be careful about taking such a combative stance. Rather than battling for supremacy, try an unconventional tactic: asking questions and listening. This doesn’t mean you’re agreeing or colluding with your so-called nemesis. But Mercury retro’s penchant for scrambling signals could be the culprit of the clash. Turns out this could all be one big misunderstanding.

Partners from your past could pop up this week, too. Some of these reunions will be downright refreshing, reminding you of the person you miss being. But others could be nothing but trouble, so be careful about opening the door to exes and frenemies who really haven’t changed. This weekend, give your inner circle priority. A close friend or relative might need some extra help, or just the mood-boosting pleasure of your company. Host an intimate dinner party or meet your BFFs for brunch. You have a lot to get off your chest, Aries — more than you even realize.


This is absolutely HILARIOUS, and far too spot-on for comfort. I have spent a lot of time lately wondering why on earth I bother with a whole bunch of people and situations, and marveling at how many people have zero respect for me and my feelings….’cause it’s all about them. Always. It’s been frustrating, to say the least. :-( I’m intrigued by the reemergence of peeps from my past, though…I wonder who it is???! :)



PS: I don’t really buy in to all of this horoscope stuff all that much, but there are moments when things are frighteningly real – plus, it’s cool and gives me something to think about. I’ve too much on my mind these days, so a fun reprieve is always appreciated. :-)

Under the Sea

I took my Wee One to see the Broadway musical “The Little Mermaid” last night…and it was gorgeous!! :-) We both loved it so much!! Such a beautiful show – I loved the new songs that were featured, the sets and costumes were stunning, and the fact that they kept it so true to the movie made my heart super-happy. :-) The two of us cuddled and held hands in our seats, singing and dancing along…it was probably not that thrilling for those seated around us, but we had a brilliant time! Yaaa! :-)



The Little Mermaid


The reviewer for didn’t enjoy the production as much as I did…perhaps I just went on a better night:

Before “The Little Mermaid” starts, the scrim that hangs in front of the set seems to shimmer and bubble thanks to a water-themed projection, and the subtle water sounds can be heard.
It’s an enchanting beginning. The pre-show reminder to turn off any electronic devices — or, in “Mermaid” terms, any “shell phones” — promises a lot of fun, too.

The show doesn’t 100 percent live up to all that, though it does at times.

The musical, which kicks off the 2015-’16 Broadway in San Antonio season at the Majestic Theatre, is based on Disney’s much-adored animated adaptation of Hans Christian Andersen’s fairy tale. It is built around Ariel (Alison Woods),a strong-willed mermaid whose fascination with humankind is anathema to her father Triton (Fred Inkley), the king of the sea. His destruction of her altar of human detritus that she’s found in the waves makes her vulnerable to the skulduggery of Ursula the sea witch (the wonderful Jennifer Allen). Ursula, who happens to be the extremely estranged sister of Ariel’s father, offers her a deal that she should refuse. She will make it possible for Ariel to live as a human for three days so that she can pursue the handsome prince (Eric Kunze) she’s been mooning over. If he kisses her in that time, she can stay on the land. If not, she’ll be imprisoned by Ursula. The cost for this questionable service is Ariel’s crystalline voice.

The cast is appealing across the board. Woods brings Ariel to vivid life, and she has strong chemistry with Kunze. Their solo numbers are well-done, and the romance is fun to watch. Inkley is strong, too, capturing the conflicting emotions Triton feels as he struggles to figure out the one child he has who doesn’t seem to fit in. Melvin Abston is a lot of fun as Sebastian, the crab who is one of the few denizens of the deep who understands Ariel. And Allen is clearly having a blast as the eeeeeevil Ursula.

Putting the big swimming moments — Triton hunting for Ariel, Ariel rescuing the prince, and Ariel rising to the surface — up into the air is a terrific approach. And having the mermaids constantly undulating is a great visual, too.

Some of the show’s weakest points are those that evoke stronger screen-to-stage shows. The puppets and Vegas-y pageantry of “Under the Sea” calls to mind “The Lion King,” without as much imagination; and the song “Positoovity,” a tap-dancing seagull bit, as entertaining as it is, plays like a weak cousin of “Hakuna Matata” from “Lion King.” The scenes in the prince’s palace, where the staff fusses over the mute Ariel, isn’t nearly as much fun as similar scenes in “Beauty and the Beast.”

The show’s look, too, is hit-and-miss. The bauble-strewn setpieces that represent the ocean are a lesson in the importance of lighting: Sometimes, when the lighting is just right, they glitter and gleam; when it isn’t, they look chintzy and cheap. The effects aren’t terribly jaw-dropping, either, and Triton’s trident, which is supposed to be tremendously powerful, also looks pretty flimsy.

There were also some sound problems during the first act at Tuesday’s opening problem. That was especially disappointing during “She’s in Love,” in which Flounder (Marco Ramos), a fish with a crush on Ariel, couldn’t be heard most of the time.

Overall, the show is hit-and-miss.


The show is playing here in San Antonio for a few more days – if you have the chance, check it out!! It’s so much fun!!! (and those sets – dynamite!! It totally looked like Ariel was really swimming!!!) Yaaa!!! :-)



Nothing Compares 2 U


Check out this live performance of Chris Cornell performing Prince/Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares 2 U” that was recorded at Sirius Radio…it’s freaking awesome!! :-) Gorgeous – So. Beautiful. :-)



No Soup For You


I’ve just finished reading Minda Kaling’s second book “Why Not Me?”, and I couldn’t have loved it more – she continues to be my spirit animal, and has a way of getting me that not many others do. She wrote a section about her former boyfriend/BFF for life B.J. Novak (I am confident that I am not the only one who stays up late at night wishing that these two crazy kids would just get back together and ride off into the sunset together, amIright?) – this is what she said:

The occasional way we’ve described our relationship is “soup snakes.” This term comes from a season 7 episode of The Office where Michael Scott is reunited with his ex-girlfriend Holly and is pretending he doesn’t have feelings for her anymore. Later, he privately confesses to camera:

MICHAEL “I wrote down a list of bullet points why Holly and I should be together, and I’m going to find the perfect moment today and I am going to tell her. (Michael pulls out a ratty little piece of paper with writing scribbled all over it. He reads from it.) Number one: Holly, you and I are … soup snakes. The … and the reason is … because … in terms of the soup, we like to … that doesn’t make any sense. ( realizing he is misreading his own handwriting ) We’re soul mates. Holly and I are soul mates.”

I think I love the scene because it reflects how love works. “Soul mates” is what you aim for, but soup snakes is what you get sometimes.


Isn’t that just awesome? Soup snakes – as code for soul mates. I love it! I want to be someone’s soup snake. :-)



PS: Mindy writes in this book about confidence, about accepting yourself as you are, and positive body image – it’s friggin’ brilliant, and ought to be required reading for all young and not-so-young girls. Love. :-)

Apocalypse Today


I just finished reading an article from Vanity Fair magazine entitled “Tinder and the Dawn of the Dating Apocalypse“, and I am positively brimming with sadness. The article details the use of social media apps to facilitate hookups for sex. Apparently, people aren’t dating anymore, they are swiping right (or is it left? I’ve never Tindered), exchanging a couple of text messages, and meeting people for shags. Read this passage from some of the girls interviewed for the article:

They’re just looking for hit-it-and-quit-it on Tinder.”

“They start out with ‘Send me nudes,’ ” says Reese. “Or they say something like ‘I’m looking for something quick within the next 10 or 20 minutes—are you available?’ ‘O.K., you’re a mile away, tell me your location.’ It’s straight efficiency.”

“There is no dating. There’s no relationships,” says Amanda, the tall elegant one. “They’re rare. You can have a fling that could last like seven, eight months and you could never actually call someone your ‘boyfriend.’ [Hooking up] is a lot easier. No one gets hurt—well, not on the surface.”

“Agh, look at this,” says Kelly, 26, who’s sitting at a table with friends, holding up a message she received from a guy on OkCupid. “I want to have you on all fours,” it says, going on to propose a graphic sexual scene. “I’ve never met this person,” says Kelly.

When it comes to hooking up, they say, it’s not as simple as just having sex. “It’s such a game, and you have to always be doing everything right, and if not, you risk losing whoever you’re hooking up with,” says Fallon, the soft-spoken one. By “doing everything right” she means “not texting back too soon; never double texting; liking the right amount of his stuff,” on social media.

“And it reaches a point,” says Jane, “where, if you receive a text message” from a guy, “you forward the message to, like, seven different people: ‘What do I say back? Oh my God, he just texted me!’ It becomes a surprise. ‘He texted me!’ Which is really sad.”

“It is sad,” Amanda says. “That one A.M. text becomes ‘Oh my God, he texted me!’ No, he texted you at one A.M.—it’s meaningless.”

They laugh ruefully.

“If he texts you before midnight he actually likes you as a person. If it’s after midnight, it’s just for your body,” says Amanda. It’s not, she says, that women don’t want to have sex. “Who doesn’t want to have sex? But it feels bad when they’re like, ‘See ya.’ ”

“It seems like the girls don’t have any control over the situation, and it should not be like that at all,” Fallon says.

“It’s a contest to see who cares less, and guys win a lot at caring less,” Amanda says.

“Sex should stem from emotional intimacy, and it’s the opposite with us right now, and I think it really is kind of destroying females’ self-images,” says Fallon.

“It’s body first, personality second,” says Stephanie.

“Honestly, I feel like the body doesn’t even matter to them as long as you’re willing,” says Reese. “It’s that bad.”

“But if you say any of this out loud, it’s like you’re weak, you’re not independent, you somehow missed the whole memo about third-wave feminism,” says Amanda.


Isn’t this heartbreaking, appalling, and fascinating all at the same damn time??! I know. How on earth did society manage to get itself to such a point where people aren’t even treating people like humans anymore? These women are being treated like little more than a hole by these guys – and it’s a toss up which is worse: the men who do it, or the women who allow it. I am all for people getting together to knock their boots – not every bonk has to result in a long term relationship. However, I think that when people are having casual encounters, there still needs to be a sense of manners about the episode: spend a bit of time together while still vertical, talk to the other person, be polite about things (Wanna screw? never a good opener), and afterwards, for the love of all that is good and holy – be gracious. Be nice. Stick around awhile – do not get up and leave while you’re still breathing heavy…that’s just the worst manners. Nobody feels good about that kind of thing. If at all possible, sleep over….waking up not alone is awesome. :-)


From the perspective of the men, those featured seemed to be big fans of this arrangement: they got to have sex with a lot of women, they had ‘the pick of the litter’ so to speak, they didn’t have to put in the effort required with traditional courting/wooing…very rarely did they even have to buy the ladies involved a drink. This does not sit well with me at all – I believe passionately in courting, I’m a fan of the woo. Why the hell would anyone want to get rid of that????! It makes NO SENSE!!!

Romance is important to me. I want to feel like someone likes me, enjoys my company, wants to be with me, thinks I am gorgeous and awesome, etc etc etc – I want to feel like I am worth a bit of effort. The funny thing is that anyone (romantic possibility or otherwise) who puts even 10% effort into me will get about 1000% back…I am very much a giver. I think I provide good return on investment! 😉 I have said many times that I don’t want the whole picket fence, etc dream that many women do – it’s not for me, and not something that I have any interest in. All I want is somebody who wants to spend time with me when they can (and when I can), thinks I’m awesome, and wants to shag. Easy, right??! :-)


A CNN writer feels much as I do about the sadness regarding the Tinder thing:

If you want a relationship, remember this: The men you meet on Tinder most likely are not available; they are there prowling and looking for some fun. No matter how good you are in the sack, or how well you play by the rules, you are not going to turn a casual encounter into a meaningful relationship. This is not to say all men on Tinder just want something casual, but use common sense.

So are we living in the “dating apocalypse”? We’ll have to see.

One of the greatest lines I’ve ever heard about dating was from a scene in “Sex in the City.” Essentially: Men are like cabs — they are only available if their light is on.

Miranda: Men are like cabs. When they’re available their light goes on. They wake up one day, they decide they are ready to settle down, have babies, whatever, and they turn their light on. The next woman they pick up, boom, that’s the one they’ll marry. It’s not fate. It’s dumb luck.

Charlotte: Sorry, I refuse to believe that love is that random.

Miranda: It’s all about timing. You gotta get them when their light’s on.

Carrie: Most men I meet are flashing yellows.

Miranda: Or off duty. They can drive around for years picking up women and not be available.

Without a willing passenger, a taxi driver drives around alone. It’s the passenger who holds the power and decides whether or not to accept the ride.


Brilliant, right? I know! I’m all for people doing what makes them happy, but I have a hard time believing that all of the girls profiled in the article above are really feeling too happy about these casual hookups. I also worry about the expectations that young people are going to have if they grow up in a world where the ‘hookup’ is the standard of measurement…I am all for convenience, but this is ridiculous. Let’s resuscitate romance, friends! :-) Ready? Set? Woo!!!!



Where Have All The Cowboys Gone? – Reprint :-)






AUTHOR’S NOTE: This piece was written two years ago, but its words hold true just as much now…happy reading, friends! :-)


While talking with a female friend this week, we began complaining about the lack of real men around. We weren’t talking about those who burp, fart, and chew snuff so much that they could medal in the hillbilly Olympics, but rather the kind of real men who are chivalrous, respectful, thoughtful beings who value women and treat them accordingly. They believe in little things like opening doors and walking on the street/curb side of the sidewalk, and not so little things like defending your honor against shitty street harassment and respecting and valuing your career. Real men are brave enough to stand up for what is right, even if it is unpopular. And it seems that these days, sadly, real men are about as common as unicorns. Why is that?

real men deaddog

Let me share some examples with you to illustrate my points. First up – a girlfriend of mine recently told me about a dalliance between she and a a guy that had been off and on for the past few months. The girl liked spending time with the guy, despite his propensity for not being able to get his shit together. She patiently offered help repeatedly, went out of her way to make time for the two of them to spend together, and happily picked up the check most of the time they went out for dinner or drinks…even when he had invited her. Now, before you think this kind-hearted soul is a right idiot who was being used – she is just a person who places a higher value on people than she does on things and money…and she thought this particular dude was good people. However, the drama llama lurking inside got the better of him, and things went uproariously tits up yet again. He didn’t call much, missed plans he’d made with her, and essentially left her feeling like crap. And what had she done wrong? Nothing. She certainly understood that he was going through impossibly hard times,and she wanted to be there for them and help – isn’t that what people do for each other? She called to express concern, to see if she could help, and to try to bring some levity to his life by telling him about the fun birthday present she was going to let him open early in light of all the hard times he was having – but before she was able to get to that part, he went off on her about how stressed he was and how he was barely holding it together, but that she should be grateful that at least he is attempting to talk to her and not shutting her out completely. Huh. I can’t speak for you, dear readers, but I think that’s one of the rudest, shittiest things ever said. She had been trying to help, to offer tangible assistance, and help him get back on his feet – yet in that moment, he had cut her to the very core. I haven’t heard from her what happened next, but I’m fairly certain that she was done with this guy. I reminded her what Maya Angelou said: “The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.” I do believe that our fair lass had been schooled on the differences between real men and fake ones.



Next example: another maiden I know that I used to work with has been hanging out with a male colleague of hers for nearly six months. These two generally go out once or twice a week, and he seems quite fond of her – and she enjoys his company, too. The only part that has our maiden wondering? He has never – to use an old-fashioned phrase – tried to get fresh. Never. Not once. Nothing more than a few chaste kisses. Not even tongue, friends! Nada. Zip. Zilch. She can’t figure it out, because as far as maidens go, this one is pretty cute ..but he’s most certainly not acting like a real man who is in to it. It’s troubling. She can’t work it out. Is he not interested in women? Not interested in her? Both?? Neither??? Too much confusion, friends!


My final example comes courtesy of yet another lovely friend of mine. She was talking last week about the most recent male that she dated – he showed up at her home on a weekend morning with a plan to help her move furniture, and declared that he would love some wine – it was 9:00am. Now, I’m all for day drinking and am never one to judge, but this asshat (I do believe he may have been royalty – the Crown Prince of Douchebagastan, perhaps) loudly announced that he figured he should move in (since he had helped move the furniture), give up his job and be a house husband. This was their third date. Uh huh. Shocking, if you ask me. I asked my friend about the possibility of her and a couple of men that we know in common going out on dates – her response about the first one that he was too busy dying his hair with Grecian Formula (which always gives me the giggles) and chasing 21 year old skirt (he’s 49) to bother with a woman in his own age bracket…and, as for the other man, he smothers his face in so many anti-aging and male beauty products that she can check her makeup in the reflection off his face on the regular, so…not for her. Too metro.




Now…what do all of these tales have in common?? First – apparently I know some interesting women! 😉 However, these are all girls that pretty much any man would be lucky lucky LUCKY to have…and yet they are still looking for the one – and, in the meantime, they are enduring ridiculous and rude treatment from the men that they are meeting. I understand the whole kiss-a-lot-of-frogs-before-finding-your-prince thing, but…goodness, how many damn toads are there out there?!?!?!? And, why do these otherwise fabulous women keep finding them??! Apparently they need new swamps to hang out in… 😉


Tell me…where have all the cowboys gone? And what do we need to do to bring them back??? The sisterhood is depending on us…. 😉



Thank You For Being a Friend


I am a MASSIVE fan of “The Golden Girls” – I still love this show more than anything, and I watch it all the time. LOVE it. It’s my life ambition to live out my years with my friends in a house somewhere (not Miami, though…too expensive and humid), eating cheesecake, sitting on the lanai. I am still sketchy on what a lanai is exactly (deck? veranda? porch? fancy porch?)- but I want one. I even listen to the popular podcast ‘Out On The Lanai‘ – devoted to dissecting episodes of “The Golden Girls”…and last week, I ordered this masterpiece:



Haha – awesome, eh? I know…and I don’t even really wear t-shirts. But I will wear this one! :-)

Last week marked the 30th anniversary of the premiere of this show (where the hell that time went I will NEVER know) – and FoxNews published this great list of 10 things you might not have known about the show:

#1. Getty, who was younger than both Bea Arthur and Betty White, underwent a 3-hour transformation to become the 80-year-old sassy Sicilian Sophia Petrillo. “When she first sits down in the chair, she’s just Estelle, a nice, lovely lady,” said makeup artist Maurice Stein in the February 1988 issue of Orange Coast Magazine. “But as the makeup goes on, she becomes this snappy old lady, wise-cracking and crusty. She seems to slum down in her chair and really get into character. By the time she gets up from her chair, I have Sophia on my hands.”


#2. Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother, was such a fan of the series that she requested the cast give a command performance on November 21, 1988. However, the racy dialogue the show was famous for had to be toned down a notch. “We’ll do about seven minutes from the show, but we’ll have to censor a few things for the queen,” said Arthur at the time.

#3. Not all the girls love the sweet stuff. While it was reported that the characters consumed more than 100 cheesecakes during the seven-year run of the show, one of them detested the dessert. “In real life, Bea hates cheesecake!” said her webmaster Kevin Buckstiegel while she was promoting her one-woman show in 2006. According to “The Dead Celebrity Cookbook: A Resurrection of Recipes From More Than 145 Stars of Stage and Screen,” Arthur’s take on breakfast was actually a vegetarian one featuring roasted mushrooms. No sugary fluff for her, whether day or night!

#4. Blanche and her roommates may have called Miami home, but their ranch-style property was actually located in California: A house at 245 N. Saltair Avenue in Brentwood was used as a model for the girls’ dwelling. Los Angeles magazine reveals that an exact replica of the home’s façade was later built on Residential Street at Disney-MGM Studios (now Disney’s Hollywood Studios) in Orlando, and was used for exterior images during the series’ later years. Residential Street and its sets were torn down in 2003 to make room for a stunt show, but the private Brentwood residence is still standing. And in case you’re wondering, the girls’ address, 6151 Richmond Street in Miami, isn’t real.


#5. While their Miami residence doesn’t exist, Rose’s infamous St. Olaf does … sort of. There is no such Norwegian town in Minnesota, but a St. Olaf Township does exist in the state. There is also a St. Olaf College located on St. Olaf Avenue in Minnesota, which was founded by Norwegian immigrants in 1874. It offers a “robust program in Scandinavian culture, including Norwegian language classes, Nordic film studies and Viking history courses.”

#6. When Susan Harris wrote the pilot script for “The Golden Girls,” she described the character of Dorothy as a “Bea Arthur type.” However, the role may have gone to actress Elaine Stritch — had she not screwed up her audition by throwing out an F-bomb. “Who really gave a s*** about playing some old broad who settles in Miami with two other old broads and their mother?” she later joked in her one-woman show.

#7. Fans of “The Golden Girls” may notice that Blanche, originally from Atlanta, Georgia, did not have much of a Southern accent in the pilot episode. That’s because director Jay Sandrich told McClanahan to instead rely on her “regular Oklahoma accent.” However, when director Paul Bogart later came on board, he wanted McClanahan to use the Southern accent. Later, McClanahan revealed she created an exaggerated take on a sultry Southern accent — one she thought might easily lure men. “It’s funny,” said McClanahan. “[Blanche] didn’t think she was funny, but I thought she was funny.”


8. Perhaps McClanahan was inspired by a third-season episode called “My Brother, My Father” — in which Blanche pretended to collect lingerie for “needy sexy people” — when she started her own clothing line on QVC. In McClanahan’s 2007 memoir, “My First Five Husbands … And the Ones Who Got Away,” she remembered launching “A Touch of Rue”: “I selected fabrics I loved and designed Blanche-inspired garments with my own practical spin, making the exquisite Blanche creations wearable in real life and available at affordable prices.” (According to her, the silky gown-peignoir sets “sold out in minutes.”) As for Blanche’s actual couture? McClanahan was allowed to keep about 500 of her “Golden Girls” costumes, which were stored in her New York apartment.

#9. “The Golden Girls” introduced viewers across the nation to a word Floridians were already very familiar with: “Lanai.” A lanai is described as an enclosed porch within a more tropical setting, featuring casual tables and chairs. In the season 2 episode, “A Piece of Cake,” Sophia learns about it for herself along with the viewers:

Dorothy: We’re having a surprise birthday party for Blanche. Why don’t you go out to the lanai and mingle with the guests?

Sophia: OK! What’s a lanai?

Dorothy: Porch!

Sophia: Well, excuse me, Krystle Carrington!


#10. Dorothy frequently picking on Rose may not have been an act. In real life, Arthur had an “intense dislike” for White. According to White, Arthur found her to be a “pain in the neck” because of her constant cheery attitude. McClanahan believed their opposite takes on acting may have been a contributing factor, too. “Bea came from a New York stage point of view,” explained McClanahan. “She always had what we call ‘the fourth wall'” And Betty came from a television point of view. She would flirt with the audience, and pull her skirt up and say, ‘Hi sailor.’ But Bea never acknowledged the audience.” McClanahan also admitted that Arthur never actually revealed why she couldn’t get along with White.


Cool, right? (apart from Bea Arthur not liking Betty White – that upsets me….everybody needs to like Betty White, she’s so awesome). Do yourself a favor and sit down and catch some reruns of this show – if you need me to suggest some, give me a holler…I’ll be on the lanai.