In The Pink

Do you get embarrassed easily? I don’t….for most things. I am the lethal combination of possessing no filter and zero shame, so…there’s usually all sorts of wreckage smoking by the time each day is over, and I’m rarely bothered about any of it. However, there are certain things that embarrass the living hell out of me – and they are SO weird. Let’s take a look, shall we?

1) Dancing in public

There was a time when I was a public-dancing fool, when I shook my arse (and everything else) at the slightest provocation, and I did that shit like it was my job. I looooved dancing, and it mattered not one iota to me that I had two left feet and no rhythm whatsoever…who cares???! Dancing was awesome!! However, I moved away from my sweet little hometown, home of dancing greats such as Sandy B, Colleen A, and their aerobic Jane Fonda-esque moves…and Lisa L, originator of the great arm roll (a dance move where you lean forward, arse wayyyyyout, bob up and down at the waist like a chicken, and roll your arms over each other like a barrel in front of you – the reality of it is even better than this description, for reals)…and found real people of rhythm. I knew that I was out of my league. I wasn’t at the Community Hall anymore, purposely shaking my groove thang next to these dancing spastics in the hopes that I’d look better by comparison….what was I going to do? I’ll tell you what I did – I quit dancing. Done. No more rump shaking for me (probably a good thing by public safety standards, as I’ve got A LOT of rump and all that shaking could be dangerous). I kind of miss it. When I’m in my house, I jig all over the place, frequently bouncing around the house like Meredith and Cristina from ‘Grey’s Anatomy’ (if those women had jiggly bits)….but in public, I’m the master of the head bob. That’s it. It’s dumb of me, I know, but I think that I resemble Elaine from ‘Seinfeld’ when I dance, so I don’t do it. See Exhibit A:

Click on the image to see what I look like when I dance! :-)

Click on the image to see what I look like when I dance! :-)

 

I think I should embrace this philosophy instead:

Click on the image for the video :-)

Click on the image for the video :-)

 

 

2) Farting in bed

Remember this hellacious momen from ‘Sex and the City’? I do. It scarred me for life…because it’s happened. More than once. To Me. Ugh. I die.

 

Click the video and prepare to giggle. If you don't, there's something wrong with you.

Click the video and prepare to giggle. If you don’t, there’s something wrong with you.

 

3) People you don’t know serenading you with music

There are restaurants in San Antonio that I avoid because, despite their good food, they also have roving mariachi bands…and I don’t know what to do when they come near. Do I look at them? For how long? Do I continue eating? Talking? Drinking? I don’t know what to do and it stresses me out!!! Argh!!! A few years ago, a former student invited me to a concert she was doing – she performed with a mariachi band, and sang beautifully (she had CDs and everything!). While at the performance, she announced that she had a special guest of honor there – her teacher and her family! The crowd cheered, I gave a little wave and wanted to die of embarrassment, and tried to get back to chowing down on my flauta. However, the surprises weren’t over – she announced that brand new band singer Juan was going to celebrate my honored attendance by singing a song to me.  I didn’t know what to do, or where to go…so I sat, smile frozen on my face, and prayed it would be over soon. Juan was about 14 years old, dressed in mariachi finery, and on bended knee in front of me singing a romantic song….me, old enough to have birthed him. It was mortifying, I didn’t know where to look – and I didn’t have a hot clue what he was singing about because it was en espagnol. The worst part was that the bloody song lasted 12 minutes (could have been the Spanish version of ‘Bohemian Rhapsody’ perhaps?). It was torturous….but bless Juan’s heart for having the fortitude to keep staring romantically at me for all that time, and for not falling over whilst on bended knee. I bet that Juan will make a kick-ass husband some day! :-)

Not Juan, sadly.

Not Juan, sadly.

 

4) Bad manners

I find poor manners to be so totally embarrassing….I can hardly stand it. I get really irritated when people exhibit no manners or class, but then I get so embarrassed if they are with me and do it in front of others. Argh! Case in point – a number of years ago, I invited someone that I knew to spend a holiday dinner with my family and I. This person exhibited such a complete and utter lack of manners that I was totally appalled, and SO embarrassed. No explanation was offered…nothing. I eventually wrote the following email to this offender (this is an excerpt – there’s far more to it):

I have been waiting to see how long it would take you to reach out and talk to me about things, and I have come to the conclusion that the answer is a very long time to never, so…I guess I will take the initiative.
I was really hurt by what went down when you came over to my house. Do you know why I told you that I preferred to do the cooking myself? It was because you had been so critical of me and my ideas for dinner whenever I shared them with you. I spend most of my days being critical of myself – I don’t need to hear it from you. I was pretty embarrassed, I will tell you honestly, with things that day. Did you happen to notice that no matter what I asked you, offered you, etc , that you NOT ONCE said ‘please’ or ‘thank you’? You did the same to my parents…and guess what? I noticed – as did everyone else. I simply don’t know what to say about a lack of manners…I don’t get it. I understand that as a Canadian I am probably more obsessed with etiquette and manners than the regular person, but…you know that about me already. Is it so hard to be polite? I’m doubtful. Perhaps you don’t feel that I deserve thank yous, is that it? I paid for a dinner that we had shared a couple of days before this family gathering…and you said nothing. I thanked you for having dinner with me – and you said NOTHING. You didn’t even have the decency to say thank you for dinner.  I was so shocked that I couldn’t leave quick enough – I’m sure you noticed. I just don’t get it.

The funny thing about this email? I never sent it. I didn’t see the point…but I kept it to remind myself of how this felt. Truthfully, anyone who exhibits such a complete and utter lack of class wasn’t worthy of my attention or thought. Grr. Whatever. This taught me to be thoughtful – and only reinforced my idea that manners are important, and that people without them are not the kind of people that I want to be around. Ick.

 

5) Looking stupid

I get very embarrassed when I think that I look stupid and that people are laughing at me.  I don’t mean all the time….I mean when I’m sharing emotions or the few rare times that I’m actually being serious. Most of the time, I act kind of silly and goofy, using lightheartedness and humor to mask what I’m really feeling. Very rarely, however, I will lay my heart out on the table….and look out if I think I’m being mocked.  I get so embarrassed, shut down completely, and try desperately to hide (not unlike Carrie when she burrowed under the blankets in shame post-fart up there in that video). This is very stupid thinking, I rationally know….I need to learn to own my emotions and be up front about it all, but….I’m pretty sure I need years of therapy to get to that place. Anyone interested in taking on a new patient??! ;-)

 

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Now….how about you? What gets you blushing, friends? :)

 

xxx

 

From The Heart

‘Tis the season for Christmas shopping, friends! :-) Have you started tackling your shopping list yet? If you are one of those people that are already finished wth your shopping and all the wrapping is done as well then you might as well move on…this is clearly NOT the place for someone like you. Grr.

I’ve been kind of blocked when it comes to Christmas gift inspiration this year…it’s worrying. I’ve less than a month to go, and I’ve barely scratched the surface! I spent some time this week perusing the online ads, and I think (hope!) that I’ve sparked some ideas and started the creative juices flowing. Here’s some gift ideas for you, my lovelies! :-)

 

1) Earrings:These earrings are awesome! All are from my beloved Catbird, and I think they are fab!! :-)

cb_heartstudRG

I am so feeling rose gold at the moment! :-)

moonss

I have the ring that matches these Dark Side of the Moon earrings…I love these! :-)

cb_star_moon_studs_web_RG

These come as singles, so I suppose you could get a matched pair, but….why would you? The mismatch is where the charm is! :-)

 

2) Something from Catbird:

I do realize that it’s dumb of me to make a new category for Catbird when I just shared earrings from Catbird, but….there are other pretties available on their site! Take a look! :-)

catbird-nyc-rose-gold-heart-ring

Rose gold again!! And it matches the earrings up there!! And it’s adorable….and affordable!! :-)

This necklace - the Choupette - is so magnificent that I can't even find the words!!! I LOVE it!!! Amazing!!! Gorgeous!!! ❤️❤️❤️

This necklace – the Choupette – is so magnificent that I can’t even find the words!!! I LOVE it!!! Amazing!!! Gorgeous!!! ❤️❤️❤️

 

3) Anything Moleskine! :)

Dammit, but I love me some Moleskine notebooks…I write constantly, and there’s no better notebook around. Buying one (ore more!) of these babies will make you very popular!! :-)

 

Yaa!!! :-)

Yaa!!! :-)

 

4) Record Player:

I’m not sure why, but I’m nearly overwhelmed with the desire to have a record player. I want one SO badly!! Here’s the one I’m hoping for:

I die!!!

I die!!!

 

Pretty, eh? I love it so much!! There’s just something so awesome about the sound of music played on a record player….LOVE! :-)

 

5) Sharpies:

I bloody love doodling with Sharpies…if only I had artistic talent!!! :-(

image

 

6) Amazon Fire TV:

This will be released on January 15th…and I think I’d like to try it out! :-)

 

image 7) A New Watch:

I’m obsessed with watches….I love giving them, I love receiving them – they’re practical, plus I love the romantic notion of giving the gift of time. :-) ❤️❤️❤️ Here are a couple of my favorites:

My dream watch is a Cartier, but this version from Invicta will more than do instead!! I am crazy for rectangular,  Roman numeral watches....and this one is a beauty!!! :-)

My dream watch is a Cartier, but this version from Invicta will more than do instead!! I am crazy for rectangular, Roman numeral watches….and this one is a beauty!!! :-)

I'm crazy about this men's watch! Classic, simple - and awesome!! :-)

I’m crazy about this men’s watch! Classic, simple – and awesome!! :-)

 

I hope that your shopping is going well, and I hope that Santa brings you everything you could possibly want for the upcoming holiday season…and then some! :-) Happy HoHo, mes amis!!! :-)

 

xxx

 

Reflection

It’s Friday now, which means back to work on Monday. While I’ve not done anything terribly big or exciting this week, I do believe that what I’ve done was precisely what I needed – I spent a lot of time at home (which was glorious), I smothered my child with love, hugs and kisses (which is guaranteed to cure almost anything that ails you), and I took time to reflect on some things that have been weighing heavily on my mind recently. For starters, I’m meant to be having arm surgery in December, and I’ve decided not to go ahead with it for now. This operation has been on the books since the summer, but I’ve kept putting it off and putting it off…which is so unlike me. I have such an awful feeling about the whole damn thing – I think about it, I start to panic, my breathing quickens, and I break out in a cold sweat. It’s stupid. I’ve endured 14 operations on my arm (14!!!!), as well as three other surgical procedures, so I should be cool with the whole process. But I’m not, not even a little bit. On Monday night, I woke up at 2:10am, hyperventilating about the whole thing, and I never made it back to sleep. I was overwhelmed with feelings of fear, and dread…and it’s just not worth it. I will suck it up and deal with the pain that I suffer from every day, and get the work done when I just can’t take it anymore. Maybe I will feel better about it then – but for now, it’s a no go. Once I came to that conclusion on Tuesday, I felt considerably better, and the rest of the week has passed with somewhat less stress. Bonus!

image

Ive been considering a number of other things, as well. I know that I’m a bit of a pain in the ass as far as it goes – I always quote Mindy Kaling when I say, “I’m a handful, I’m not for everyone”. However, I’m learning (at the ripe old age of 40) that my days of settling and accepting things that I’m not comfortable with are done. I have quit saying yes to things that I don’t want to do, and I am actively working on not spending time with people whose company I don’t particularly enjoy. I have noticed lately how very ill-mannered some people around me are – and, while in the past I may have turned a blind eye and just ignored it – I’m done with that, too. I don’t wish to spend time around people who can’t be polite and gracious – not interested. Instead, I want to surround myself with people I enjoy, people with whom I have common interests, and enjoy some good, solid conversation. I don’t want to work so hard on relationships with people around me anymore – life is a two way street, it’s not all me and my efforts. I know that, as a natural planner, I often tend to take the lead with people, but I don’t want to do that anymore. It’s annoying, frankly. I hsve spent most of my adult working life telling kids (and adults) what to do – I don’t want to social direct the lives of people around me. Screw that. It’s time for a more laid back approach – I can’t wait to give it a try! :-)

image

This man has got it figured out. ❤️❤️❤️

 

Anyway, I’m planning to enjoy my final few days at home – run a few errands, take care of some stuff around here, and get myself ready for the three week sprint to Christmas vacation. I’m going to continue my couch sitting/movie watching binge that’s been going on all week (and it’s been bloody fantastic), and I’m going to nap like it was an Olympic sport and I’m going for the gold.

It’s going to be GREAT. :-)

 

xxx

 

I’m Like a Bird

I’m happy to report that the funk may be starting to lift…I don’t feel nearly as dreadful as I felt on the weekend, and I think there might be light at the end of the tunnel. I’m hopeful…which is a lot better than I have been feeling! :-)

image

I spent a lot of time at home since last Friday, which has been really great. I’ve watched a ton of good TV, spent time with my Wee One, and enjoyed being home – I don’t do that nearly enough. It’s been good. :-) I went out for dinner and drinks with some of my favorite people on Monday night, and went to the movies again yesterday – this time, I saw “Birdman”, with Michael Keaton, Emma Stone, Naomi Watts, and Edward Norton.  This movie is something else, my friends…the story is so good, but the making of the movie itself is bloody magic – here’s the review of it from my beloved Roger Ebert’s site:

The first time we see Michael Keaton in his tighty-whities in “Birdman,” it’s from behind. His character, a formerly high-flying movie star, is sitting in the lotus position in his dressing room of a historic Broadway theatre, only he’s levitating above the ground. Bathed in sunlight streaming in from an open window, he looks peaceful. But a voice inside his head is growling, grumbling, gnawing at him grotesquely about matters both large and small.

The next time we see Keaton in his tighty-whities in “Birdman,” he’s dashing frantically through Times Square at night, having accidentally locked himself out of that same theatre in the middle of a performance of a Raymond Carver production that he stars in, wrote and directed. He’s swimming upstream through a river of gawking tourists, autograph seekers, food carts and street performers. But despite the chaos that surrounds him, he seems purposeful, driven and–for the first time–oddly content.

These are the extremes that director Alejandro G. Inarritu navigates with audacious ambition and spectacular skill in “Birdman”–the full title of which is “Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance).” He’s made a film that’s both technically astounding yet emotionally rich, intimate yet enormous, biting yet warm, satirical yet sweet. It’s also the first time that Inarritu, the director of ponderous downers like “Babel” and “Biutiful,” actually seems to be having some fun.

Make that a ton of fun. “Birdman” is a complete blast from start to finish. The gimmick here–and it’s a doozy, and it works beautifully–is that Inarritu has created the sensation that you are watching a two-hour film shot all in one take. Working with the brilliant and inventive cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki (who won an Oscar this year for shooting “Gravity” for Inarritu’s close friend and fellow Mexican director Alfonso Cuaron), Inarritu has constructed the most delicate and dazzling high-wire act. And indeed, before shooting began, the director sent his cast a photo of Philippe Petit walking a tightrope between the World Trade Center towers as inspiration.

Through impossibly long, intricately choreographed tracking shots, the camera swoops through narrow corridors, up and down tight stairways and into crowded streets. It comes in close for quiet conversations and soars between skyscrapers for magical-realism flights of fancy. A percussive and propulsive score from Antonio Sanchez, heavy on drums and cymbals, maintains a jazzy, edgy vibe throughout. Sure, you can look closely to find where the cuts probably happened, but that takes much of the enjoyment out of it. Succumbing to the thrill of the experience is the whole point.

Just as thrilling is the tour-de-force performance from Keaton in the role of a lifetime as Riggan Thompson, a washed-up actor trying to regain the former glory he achieved as the winged action hero Birdman. The film follows the fraught early going of his Broadway debut which is also his last shot at greatness–although his on-screen alter ego doesn’t help much by voicing his fears and making him doubt himself incessantly. Yes, it’s knowingly amusing that Keaton, who peaked 20-plus years ago as a superhero, is playing an actor who peaked 20-plus years ago as a superhero. Although I’d happily argue that Keaton’s Batman for Tim Burton in 1989 is THE definitive performance of the iconic character–but that’s a whole ‘nother conversation for another time.

Or is it? While “Birdman” exists in its own meticulously realized world, it’s very much of this time and place from a pop-culture perspective, with references to other real-life actors like Robert Downey Jr. and Michael Fassbender who’ve enjoyed enormous success when they’ve donned the superhero duds. The script from Inarritu, Nicolas Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris and Armando Bo is cleverly meta without being too cutesy and self-satisfied.

Keaton gets to toy with his persona a bit–as well as acknowledge how comparatively quiet his career has been in recent years–but seeing him in seasoned form provides its own joy. He’s still hyper-verbal and playful and he can still be amusing and lacerating in his delivery, but there’s a wry wistfulness and even a desperation in the mix now that’s achingly poignant.

Also confronting his real-life reputation is Edward Norton as Mike Shiner, the brilliant but infamously capricious actor who steps in as Riggan’s co-star just as previews are about to begin on his labor-of-love production of “What We Talk About When We Talk About Love.” Norton, who’s come with the baggage of being difficult and demanding over the years, finds just the right balance between arrogance and sincerity.

Besides, they need each other, as they find in the days leading up to opening night. They all need each other. Inarritu has amassed a tremendous supporting cast and made ridiculous technical demands of them, yet they’ve all more than risen to the occasion and relished the chance to shine.

Zach Galifianakis plays strongly against type as Riggan’s manager and the rare voice of reason in the middle of all this madness. Emma Stone is adorable as Riggan’s world-weary, wise-ass daughter who also serves as his assistant. (She and Norton have crackling chemistry in a couple of crucial scenes.) Amy Ryan does wonders with her brief screen time as Riggan’s ex-wife; she fleshes him out and allows us to see both the selfish and the good in him. And Naomi Watts, who starred in Inarritu’s wrenching “21 Grams,” gets to play both light and heavy moments as a neurotic fellow cast member.

It’s powerfully clear that they all worked their asses of to make this complicated thrill ride look effortless. The result is one of the best times you’ll have at the movies this year–which might even be the best movie this year.

If you have a chance, go and check this one out while it’s still in theaters. I’m sure it’ll still be good to watch at home, but the artistry of the shots and the filmmaking really shine when seen on a big screen. I loved it – I hope you will, too! :-)

I got up early this morning and went grocery shopping at 6:00am – nutty, I know, but such a good plan. I was home, groceries unpacked and put away, and cuddled on the couch by 7:02am! Success!! And minimal shopping crowd! Woohoo!! I’ve got all the grub ready to go for tomorrow – I’m cooking Thanksgiving dinner, and I’m kind of excited about it. I have a couple of new recipes to try out, and I’m looking forward to a day spent at home, the house full of good smells, and just being happy. I need it. :-) (If the recipes turn out well, I will be sure to share them with you!! )

However you are planning to spend the next few days, I hope that you are happy, too…that you are surrounded by those that you love, and that you take a few minutes to count the things that you are thankful for. In case I havent told you lately – I am thankful for you. :-) Happy Thanksgiving! :-)

xxx

 

 

Broken

The funk continues. I think something has broken inside of me – I want to stay home, I don’t want to see anyone or talk to anyone (apart from the Wee One)…I just want the world to go away. This is certainly not the norm for me, I’m usually super social – but I’ve got a serious case of the Rhett Butlers: Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn. About much. Ugh.

This time hibernating at home has given me some happiness, though – I found a few things online that warmed my increasingly cynical heart:

1) The microphone died at a Toronto Maple Leafs game the other night as the singer sang the American national anthem – not to fear, though, the Canadian fans stepped up and sang along. Nice. :-)

Click on the picture to see the video! :-)

Click on the picture to see the video! :-)

 

2) A teacher in New Jersey set the world record for most pull-ups (chin ups) in a 24 hour period…and he did it to raise money for cancer research in the name of a former student of his who passed away from the disease. If that isn’t the most awesome, hard core thing – love it! :-)

So. Awesome. Click the picture to visit an article with the full story :-)

So. Awesome. Click the picture to visit an article with the full story :-)

 

3) A bunch of pictures that have been sent from the picture heavens to make me feel better. I think. I hope.

This.

This.

Dolly is my spirit animal.

Dolly is my spirit animal.

Love this :-)

Love this :-)

I need to learn this

I need to learn this

 

4) In-n-Out Burger finally opened in San Antonio on Thursday – and I could not be happier. I love In-n-Out, and have been going nuts waiting for their arrival here….imagine my joy to find that their first location is a three minute drive from my work!! This will undoubtedly mean bad things for my already-wide arse, but….who gives a shit? Life is too short to miss out on even one Double Double Animal Style! :-) A really cool thing happened on Thursday – my secretary and I were chattering about our excitement for the grand opening, and a parent who was dropping stuff at school for his daughter heard us. He returned to the office 45 minutes later with a bag of burgers for all of us in the office – how AMAZINGLY kind is that??! I am still blown away by such kindness, and can’t believe that I was not only the witness to such a gesture, but the recipient. Mind blown….heart full.

Good people do exist :-)

Good people do exist :-)

Love love LOVE  ❤️❤️❤️

Love love LOVE ❤️❤️❤️

 

I’m not entirely sure what it’s going to take to get me out of this ditch that I’m wallowing in…and I’ve no idea how long it is going to take. I just know that I feel like a ball of exposed nerves, everything rubs me the wrong way – and I’m not exactly fit for human consumption. I feel like I exist for others to take advantage of, and that I give and give and give – and get nothing in return. I’m sure that I should be okay with that – but I’m just not. :( On Friday night, I went to see the movie “The Theory of Everything” starring the brilliant Eddie Redmayne as Stephen Hawking. His performance was mind-blowing – and the story was pretty great, if perhaps a smidge too sweet. It’s hard to even imagine the triumph of the human spirit as shown in that film, and the story of Stephen and his wife – and what she did for him and their family – is nothing short of incredible. I hope that you’ll go and see this movie – it’s wonderful. :) I doubt that I could be as graceful as Jane under such circumstances!!

I’m off work this week, and all I have planned is cooking Thanksgiving dinner for my family, and a few get-togethers with friends (provided I can tear myself from the couch). I plan to spend the rest of my time plowing through good TV and movies, drinking some Beaujolais Nouveau (or Tito’s Vodka – my heart belongs to Tito’s), and just enjoying the peace and quiet of my home. Perhaps this time will be just what I need to heal me, and help me glue the pieces of me back together. I just need to get a broom and a dustpan and sweep them all off the floor – now, where’s the Crazy Glue?

 

xxx

 

 

 

Unpretty

I am not a fan of my appearance….probably never will be. My colleague across the hall walks in to our office at least once a week and announces that he cannot believe how very good looking he is – he’s not joking. Needless to say, words like that will never come out of my mouth – partly because I will never feel that way about myself, but mostly because I don’t want to sound like an arrogant prick. I’m not saying that all people with confidence in their appearance are arrogant pricks, but my neighbor sure is. Surely there must be a happy medium? :-)

IMG_20140925_200036

You’d really think that looking like this would give me heaps of confidence, wouldn’t you?

I spent the last few days laid up with a terrible spasm in my neck…it’s been rotten. I’ve watched entirely too much TV, laid around in whatever awkward position managed to bring me a bit of comfort and relief, and have basically been bored out of my skull. I couldn’t really fix my hair as it hurt too much, so I’ve been walking around resembling the arse end of a badger since last Thursday – that is not nearly as attractive as it sounds, friends. I’ve not been feeling terribly great about myself lately anyway, so this  little spell has done nothing for the already fragile ego. On Friday night, a former student and friend of mine posted the following on Instagram:

Take a moment to realize you’ve never seen your face in person, just reflections and pictures. Some scientists believe that if you saw a clone of yourself you wouldn’t recognize it as you, because our idea of what we look like is so different from what we actually look like.

Isn’t that brilliant? I know – mind. blown. I spent the better part of the weekend thinking about that, and was telling someone about it on Sunday. This sweet soul directed me to a Dove beauty campaign video that I had never seen before – where people describe their appearance to a police sketch artist, and then somebody else describes that same person…and the differences in the images are SHOCKING. Here’s the video:

Click on the picture to see the video :)

Click on the picture to see the video :)

I was almost crying when I finished this video, partially for the beautiful women featured in the clip, and partially for the way I treat myself. I don’t know when the self-loathing started, but I do know that I desperately wish it would end. I don’t ever want to spend another second of life apologizing to someone else for the way that I look – that’s insane. I never want to miss out on another outing because I look a hot mess and am afraid to subject anyone to the sight of me. I don’t want to purposely avoid looking in mirrors and try to free hand my makeup so that I don’t have to see myself…because the crooked, wobbly look that results does nothing for my appearance. I’m tired of thinking about the way I look. Tired of it all. I wish that I knew a solution to build a damn bridge over the entire subject of appearance, and get the hell over it. If you have this problem worked out and licked, give me a call and share the deets, ok?  I’ll be waiting.

How would you describe yourself to a sketch artist? :)

 

xxx

Strong Enough

I have 6 tattoos. When I write that, it seems like a shockingly high number and that I’m some sort of deviant….but it isn’t, and I’m not. I promise. ;-) My tattoos (or pictures, as the Wee One lovingly refers to them) are cute, small, and in safe places. I do not resemble this guy:   My mother asked me how many I had the other day, and when I answered her, the unimpressed look was clearly etched on her face. I’m well accustomed to that look having received it for most of my life, so it was no big whoop. I did let her know that I’m not done yet…that I have (at least) one more tattoo to get. Not to fret, my pets, it’s not the same as that one above (heh heh); instead, I want the phrase Satis Sum, tattooed to the inside of my wrist. Satis Sum is Latin for I am enough…perhaps my hardest struggle in life. I never, ever feel anywhere close to good enough. For anything. Ever. It’s hard.:-(

One of my newest pictures :)

One of my newest pictures :)

I happened across this article the other day entirely by accident (I was Googling kitten pictures. Again. I’ve no idea how this article came up – we’re going to go with divine intervention.)…and it couldn’t be more appropriate for me. I kept it open on my iPad for three days, reading parts of it over and over again, hoping like hell that some of the words would seep into my extraordinarily thick skull. It bugged me, taunting me every time I opened a window to do some online shopping (which happens far too much) or read Jezebel. Behold 20 Things To Remember When You Think You’re Not Good Enough:

Truth be told, you can’t berate yourself into a better version of yourself.  And even though I know this, I sometimes still fall victim to my own negative thinking.  Sometimes I’m downright rude to myself.  I make a mistake, or fall short of my own expectations, and instead of treating it as a learning opportunity, I beat myself up about it. I’m sure you can relate.  We’ve all been there.  We all have bad days and moments of self-doubt. Sometimes the pressure coming from peers, family, work, and society in general is enough to make us feel completely broken inside.  If we don’t have the “right” job, relationship, lifestyle, and so forth, by a certain age or timeframe, we assume we’re just “not good enough.” 

So what can we do about it?   Here’s how I handle it: Every time I catch myself thinking I’m not good enough, I immediately write down an opposing thought that debunks my negativity. I’ve been doing this for the past several years and it’s made a tremendous difference in my life. I challenge you to do the same. If you need a little extra inspiration, here are some things I’ve come up with – 20 good reminders when you’re feeling “not good enough”:

Nobody is doing better than you because nobody can do better than you. – YOU are walking your own path. Sometimes the reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes circumstances with everyone else’s public highlight reel. Forget what everyone else is doing and achieving. Your life is about breaking your own limits and outgrowing yourself to live YOUR best life.

Where you are right now is a necessary step. – Sometimes we avoid experiencing exactly where we are because we have developed a belief, based on our ideals, that it is not where we should be or want to be. But the truth is, where you are right now is exactly where you need to be to get to where you want to go tomorrow.

Everything is coming together… maybe not immediately, but gradually. – When times are tough, remind yourself that no pain comes without a purpose. Move on from what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you. Pain is part of growing. Remember that there are two kinds of pain: pain that hurts and pain that changes you. When you roll with life, instead of resisting it, both kinds help you grow.

It is your resistance to “what is” that causes your suffering. – Remember, happiness is allowing yourself to be perfectly OK with “what is,” rather than wishing for and worrying about “what is not.” “What is” is what’s supposed to be, or it would not be. The rest is just you, arguing with life. Think about that for a minute. This means your suffering only ever occurs when you resist how things are.

You cannot control everything that happens to you; you can only control the way you respond to what happens. In your response is your power.

Every day brings a choice: to practice stress or to practice peace. – Choose to be miserable and you’ll find plenty of reasons to be miserable. Choose to be peaceful and you’ll find plenty of reasons to be at peace. Think about it. Are you skilled at making yourself miserable? With those same skills you can make yourself motivated, effective and fulfilled. Do so.

You are always good enough to try, and that’s what’s important in the end. – Everything you achieve comes from something you attempt. Make the attempt. Trust me, twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did do. Give yourself a chance.

There’s always something small you can do. – There is absolutely nothing about your present situation that prevents you from moving forward, one tiny step at a time. Remember, vision without action is just a daydream; vision must be combined with venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps, you must step up the stairs. And all you have to do is take one step at a time. Sometimes the smallest step in the right direction ends up being the biggest step of your life. Tiptoe if you must, but take that step.

Failures are really just lessons that need to be learned. – No day is ever wasted when you live it with purpose and presence. Value and enjoy the journey, even when there are detours along the way.

Yesterday’s impossibilities may be possible today. – Experience is the hardest kind of teacher; it gives you the test first and the lesson afterward. But this is really a blessing. It means you’re growing stronger and more capable with every passing day. So don’t you dare give up on today because of the way things looked yesterday. Don’t even think about it. What “might happen” can only stop you if you let it. – Rather than worrying about what might happen, move forward and use your energy and intelligence to deal with what does actually happen.

The quality of your vision drives the quality of your life. – It’s up to you how you visualize things and what you focus on. Forget what you don’t like. Focus on what excites you. If you see a possibility, explore it. If you have a dream, live it. Those who are passionate and excited about what they’re doing have an advantage that is nearly impossible to conquer. Be one of these people. 

You don’t need to get everyone’s approval first. – Stop listening to what the world says you should want. Start listening to who you are. Truth be told, there are only a few people in this world who will stay 100% true to you, and YOU should be one of them.

What you’re capable of achieving is greatly based on how much you want it. – When it means enough to you, then you can do it. When you are willing and committed and persistent, you will get yourself there, every time. Success is neither magical nor mysterious. Success is the natural outcome of consistently applying your focused effort to what you want. The fatigue might be there sometimes, but you must understand that putting it aside is the single most important factor in succeeding.

Your best bet is to give yourself no other choice. – It’s amazing what you can do when you have no other choice. In fact, achievement consists mostly of giving yourself no other choice. You are more than good enough; you just have to own it – you have to own everything you are and everything you’re up against. If you believe your troubles are too powerful, then you’ll never allow yourself to rise above them. Stop fretting. Quit worrying. Don’t complain. You know what you must do. So do it.

You have to work hard on yourself too. – Self-respect, self-love, self-worth… there’s a reason they all start with “self.” You can’t receive them from anyone else. Earn the respect of others by having the audacity to respect yourself. Dare to love yourself as if you were a rainbow with pots of gold at both ends. It’s your responsibility, above all, to see your own value. And this responsibility to yourself means refusing to let others do your thinking, talking, and deciding for you; it means learning to use your own brains and intuition to make things happen – hence, grappling with hard work.

You are stronger than whatever is troubling you. – Use each setback, each disappointment as a cue to push on ahead with more determination than ever before. When something bad happens, you can either let it define you, let it destroy you or let it strengthen you. The choice is yours. So pump yourself up! You are a lot stronger than you think you are. You may not be where you want to be yet, but look how far you’ve come. Celebrate the fact that you’re not where you used to be.

For everything you’ve lost, you’ve gained something else. – Appreciate what you have today. Life does not have to be perfect to be wonderful. No regrets, just lessons. No worries, just acceptance. No expectations, just gratitude. Life is too short. The story of your life has many chapters. One bad chapter doesn’t mean it’s the end. So stop re-reading the bad one already, and turn the page.

You have made the best of some tough situations. – Smiling doesn’t always mean you’re happy with everything. Sometimes it just means you’re strong and smart enough to accept it and make the best of it.

Your scars are symbols of your strength. – Don’t ever be ashamed of the scars life has left you with. A scar means the hurt is over and the wound is closed. It means you conquered the pain, learned a lesson, grew stronger, and moved forward. A scar is the tattoo of a triumph. So don’t allow your scars to hold you hostage. Don’t allow them to make you live your life in fear. You can’t make the scars in your life disappear, but you can change the way you see them. You can start seeing your scars as a sign of strength and not pain.

You are still here trying. – If you have no other testimony right now, you have this one: “I’m still here trying.” Be positive, patient and persistent. The more you feel like quitting, the more there is to be gained by continuing to do all three. Because the strongest people aren’t the people who always win, but the people who don’t give up when they lose.

Afterthoughts The wisest, most loving, and well rounded people you have ever met are likely those who have known misery, known defeat, known the heartbreak of losing something or someone they loved, and have found their way out of the depths of their own despair. These people have experienced many ups and downs, and have gained an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, understanding and a deep loving wisdom. People like this aren’t born; they develop slowly over the course of time. And you’re getting there.

 

Good, right? There are so many things here that hit home with me so hard I felt the wallop on my head.  The second point the author made about the place you are right now being necessary was SO powerful to me, a compulsive planner who sometimes (frequently) has a hard time enjoying the present because I’ve got my eye on the next step and a better future. What’s so bad about relaxing into the moment and just enjoying it? Nothing, I tell you. I need to smarten up.

The idea of always being good enough to try is a beautiful one…I love that, don’t you? :) They also wrote about not needing the approval of others – again, a wretched struggle for a people-pleaser like me. I’m always trying to make everyone else happy, a Pollyanna constantly seeking the approving nod of everyone she meets – how ridiculous is that???! Who cares if other people approve of what I do??? It’s something I need to work on, that’s for sure. My need for constant reassurance and positive affirmation is annoying as hell to me…how does anyone else put up with me?!?!??! Grr!!!

I love the point the author made about working hard on yourself, and how important that is. It’s no secret that I am probably my own harshest critic – you’ll rarely hear me say anything terribly nice about myself…and I don’t really know why, since I’m not that bad, am I? (Except for today – I’m a hot mess today. I got to work, was here for a good 45 minutes before I looked in the mirror…and realized that I had forgotten to put makeup on! Yikes! I didn’t have time to go home, so I started digging through my purse – I found an eyeliner, bits of last week’s bagel, mascara, and plum-colored lipstick. I proceeded to throw out the bagel – how gross am I? – and put the lipstick on as eye shadow, doing what I could – see Exhibit A) At least I’m trying, right? ;)

Exhibit A - plum lipstick eye shadow. :)

Exhibit A – plum lipstick eye shadow. :)

 

Do you ever feel like you aren’t good enough for something/someone/everything/everyone? How do you deal with it? I’d love to hear from you – and, if it’s any consolation to you, my darlings…you’re ALWAYS more than good enough for me. :)  Je vous aime. :)

xxx

Yummy Yummy Yummy

I had an AMAZING meal recently….can’t wait to tell you all about it! (Disclaimer: This is a common theme with me, I know….I eat lots of good meals, which explains my caboose. Oh well. ) I visited the restaurant Cured at the Pearl Brewery here in San Antonio. First – let’s talk about the Pearl….what a great, great place. There’s so much to see and do there, everything is really beautiful, and it’s such a great area to be in. I frequently dream of selling the house and buying a condo down there, just to be in the thick of the action (but the commute to work would be a bitch). Love it. :-)

Anyway…Cured! The building is looooovely (built in 1904, it was originally the administration building for the brewery), as was the menu. This charcuterie-themed place is certainly not for vegans (she says in the understatement of the year!), and if you are a meat and potatoes traditionalist, you might be in trouble. However, if you have a slightly adventurous palate and a LOVE of amazing food…then you are in for a treat!! :-) Here’s what I ate:

 

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Welcome to Cured :-)

Some sort of marrow thing...I can't recall the details, but as long as I live, I will NEVER forget the amazing taste of this on the end of my tongue. Divine.

Some sort of marrow thing…I can’t recall the details, but as long as I live, I will NEVER forget the amazing taste of this on the end of my tongue. Divine.

Behold the charcuterie plate...there was whipped pork butter, duck ham, chicken liver mousse, pork belly, rillettes...I could go on. So. Bloody. Good. Yum. :-)

Behold the charcuterie plate…there was whipped pork butter, duck ham, chicken liver mousse, pork belly, rillettes…I could go on. So. Bloody. Good. Yum. :-)

This is their version of poutine....pork cheek poutine, cheese, mildly pickled cauliflower on top (random but freaking AWESOME). I just can't even tell you how fabulous this was...yummy!!! :-)

This is their version of poutine….pork cheek poutine, cheese, mildly pickled cauliflower on top (random but freaking AWESOME). I just can’t even tell you how fabulous this was…yummy!!! :-)

Charcuterie goodness from another angle - my attempts at arty photography ;-)

Charcuterie goodness from another angle – my attempts at arty photography ;-)

Sweetbreads. Google them....delicious. :-)

Sweetbreads. Google them….delicious. :-)

 

Doesn’t everything look AMAZING???? It absolutely was!!! The service was excellent (attentive, but not up my keister) – the manager came to chat and invited me back for Happy Hour sometime (you should see me do Happy Hour….I’m pretty good at it!!;-) ), regaling me with tales of drink specials and a burger that’s 20% bacon and 80% beef (if just the thought of that doesn’t get your mouth watering, then there’s something wrong with you and you ought to see a specialist ASAP)…the whole experience was top notch. :-)

 

I can’t wait to go back!!! :-)

xxx

Reblog: I’m Old Fashioned

Reprinting this from June of 2013…because you can never talk too much about the art of the woo! ;)

 

I’m old-fashioned. That’s a mighty strange statement for someone like me to make – but it is so true. Even though I’m a girl who lives and breathes by technology, feels like I’m coming down with hives if I don’t keep up-to-date on the latest pop culture news from my Twitter feed, and can’t fathom going a whole day without the Internet/my Kindle/Instagram/Jezebel and XO Jane, I am still, at heart, a very old-fashioned, traditional girl. Let my tattooed, multiply pierced self explain. ;)

quote-Jason-Sudeikis-being-polite-and-grateful-will-make-people-228510

I believe in manners. I am always polite – even when I’m cross with someone and I’m snippy, I’m still polite. I abhor rudeness in others, and I find the lack of manners frequently on display in the world these days to be deplorable. I don’t understand people who clearly know better  behaving badly – there’s simply no excuse. People need to be kind to everyone they encounter in their day, whether they know them or not, it’s as simple as that. I find it embarrassing when others behave badly, and I have to admit that it completely and utterly turns me off those people…which probably makes me shallow, but…c’est la vie. Life is too short to spend with people who believe that treating others poorly is a viable option in life. It’s just vile.

I believe that men should always open the door for women, and that if you are the first at the door, regardless of whether you pee standing up or sitting down, you hold the door open for everyone coming and going. I believe that men should open car doors for ladies, whether they are someone they are shagging or not. I believe that looking people in the eyes is critical when you speak to them – people who don’t make me mighty nervous indeed.

I think that inviting someone to spend time with you at the last minute is kind of rude – I know that sometimes last minute things pop up, and that’s cool…but generally, if you want the pleasure of someone’s company, PICK UP THE PHONE AND CALL AND ASK THEM. Don’t just text – call. If you know that you have a weekend evening free and you want to have dinner with Bobby and Sue, call them as early as possible and invite them to join you for dinner – expecting someone to be free at the last minute is bloody tacky and just plain rude, if you ask me.

How it ought to be...LOVE this! :)

How it ought to be…LOVE this! :)

“The vampire could woo any woman with his charisma and his charm, but he only wishes to romance her.. for eternity.” 

- Mr. Depravity

I was talking with someone the other day about the art of ‘woo’ing – something which I think is sorely (and sadly) missing from society today. People today don’t woo each other nearly enough – and yes, while wooing is traditionally something that men are meant to do for the women they are sweet on (see what I mean? even the expressions that I use are old-fashioned), ladies can do some wooing, too. A lot of people think that wooing means showering a lady with expensive gifts and trips and dinners at the finest restaurants in town – and, while all of those things sound ever-so-lovely, they absolutely aren’t necessary parts of the woo. The woo can be made up of simple things like writing your Sweet a wee poem and sending it to them to brighten their day – your words cost you nothing, and if you aren’t much of a poet, Google rhyming words and you’ll get through it just fine. How about calling them up early in the week and asking them on a proper date? Fun, right?? Even if it’s a generally assumed thing that you two will be spending time together over the weekend, still pick up that phone and call and ask – that feeling is just plain awesome. :) Give your girl a flower sometime – notice that I didn’t say flowers, because I know that the cost of those things can add up! Give her one beautiful stem of something that you know that she loves – it will win you a ton of wooing points! :) A final word on wooing, and this is directed at ladies and gentlemen alike: don’t ever ever stop wooing your love, whether you’ve been together for three months, three years, or three decades. Don’t ever let the woo stop – keep that shit going FOREVER! It will absolutely do wonders for your relationship, and it feels good – for both of you. I promise. :)

Hahaha :)

Hahaha :)

I read an article online entitled “How to Make a Woman Fall in Love With You” – here are the easy steps to follow! (and ladies, I imagine they can be adapted to fit a man as well) Try not to laugh….
ATTENTION ALL ROMEOS: For the following article to be of any use to you whatsoever, it is mandatory that you and your love interest meet at least once in person (and NOT in your dreams). This article is based on actual love, and not virtual love. Upon meeting her, it is vital that you know the right questions to ask the girl, in order to get to know her, only after which can you entertain any possible hopes of her falling in love with you.

Those of you who have skipped reading the above disclaimer and have directly landed on this line of text, stop right here. The future of your love life has been decided right here, right now. You will remain SINGLE all your life. Stop wasting time thinking about how to make her fall in love with you. No amount of dating tips will ever be of any help to you whatsoever. You, my friend, will forever remain an Adam sans a madam. You wanna know why? Because you weren’t attentive enough, you missed reading the first paragraph, and in doing so, you violated rule number one!

The Ultimate Guide to Make a Woman Fall for You

Rule #1: You CANNOT win the heart of any woman on this planet unless you remain alert and pay attention to detail. You HAVE to be on full systems alert when with a woman – watch every movement of hers and listen to each and every word she says (And I do sympathize with you because I am yet to meet a woman who is not a chatterbox!). No matter where or at what time of the day (or night) the two of you meet; no matter how tired, sleepy or hungry you may be, you instantly need to power on your love battery and be on full alert. Look at her, listen to her and show an interest in what she is saying. Women do not like men who talk, talk, talk and never listen. Chances of love and romance are directly proportional to your ethical listening abilities. (Ethical listening is nothing but focusing your ears on her vocals and your eyes above her neck). If and when you get a chance to say a few words, choose those which will showcase your intelligence, rather than those which will expose the lack of it.

Rule #2: Please be yourself. This is the universal dating tip for men all over the world. You don’t have to be a Brad Pitt in order to woo your woman. If you’re not exactly tall, dark and handsome, that’s fine. Win her over with your heart, not with your looks. Remember, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Don’t try to be someone that you’re not. You’ll fall flat on your face and your love story will instantly become history.

Rule #3: Become indispensable to her. PLEASE NOTE: Follow Rule #1 and read the rest of this rule, or else you may end up becoming her best friend to whom she comes crying after fighting with her boyfriend or fiance. By becoming indispensable, I mean becoming her friend and much more. That ‘much more’ is the difference between being relegated to just a friend and becoming the special one that she loves. There is no universal definition for that ‘much more’, it is something that you need to figure out for yourself. If you can’t, fine. All the best in being her best brotherly friend for life!

Rule #4: Be romantic in an innovative way. There are plenty of ways (both successful and otherwise) of wooing a woman. Many of them involve doing the same age-old things such as gifting mixed tapes, presenting heart-shaped pendants, writing cheesy poems, etc. Some of them do work, whereas most are perceived to be extremely stereotyped and clichéd by women of the 21st century. So if your girl happens to be a rebel or a fiercely independent woman who is in tune with modern times and thoughts, then writing a silly sonnet on a pink paper sprayed with some run-of-the-mill chloroform-type cologne will only guarantee you a few more months of bachelorhood. Find out what your woman’s interests are, what are her likes, her dislikes and act accordingly. Don’t take a lady who loves opera to an Avril Lavigne concert! If your Juliet happens to be a typical girl-next-door who has a fancy for all that is pink and mushy, then be a Romeo of the highest order! Gift your princess a couple of Mills & Boon’s and be her knight in shining armor. Shower her with a few lovey-dovey romantic gifts. Make Shakespeare look down from the heavens and weep a tear or two. Show your romantic side in a way that is both creative and equally appealing to your lady love.

Rule #5: Last but definitely not the least, show that you care for her. This is a very important piece of relationship advice. Show her that you are a genuine fellow who is here to stay and that you are not a fair weather friend. Be there for her when she needs help. Support your woman through thick and thin. Once again, do NOT go overboard with this. Calling her every ten minutes to check on her will only ensure that you end up spending New Year’s Eve with Steve, instead of Eve.

These five rules are the fundamentals of sowing the seed of love in the heart of your darling dove. Following them religiously (and sensibly!) may make your woman see you in a different light… the light of love, adoration and romantic companionship. That is the secret to make a girl fall in love with you. It may take some time. But you shouldn’t lose hope. After all, if Rome wasn’t built in a day, how can it be any different for romance?

While I think this author did make a few good points, there is some straight-up lunacy in here. Let’s break it down, shall we? Rule #1 is correct – listen to us, dammit! There are few things as irritating as sitting across the table from a person who doesn’t so much talk as they do lecture, thinking that they are all-knowing and wise about every topic under the sun, and trying not to fall asleep as they pontificate yet again on every subject that gets brought up. I find it particularly delightful when I hear people who have never worked in the Education industry attempt to lecture ME on the problems with teachers and education today. Squeeze me??! Baking powder??! WTF, people??! It’s plain obnoxious and rude – and is certainly not a way to endear yourself, friends. I don’t agree with the writer that men should never talk – that would get mighty boring mighty quickly, but…shouldn’t it be a 50-50 kind of thing? :)

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Rule #2 is accurate – be yourself. This goes for men and women equally – the pressure and effort of pretending to be someone else is freaking exhausting, so…why bother? Rule #3 is also good – it is always nice to have someone around that you know that you can rely on. Personally, I find it hard to get that way with people (probably stems from a lifetime of folks letting me down, and a lifetime of me allowing them to let me down) – but, when it happens that I feel that I can count on someone, rely on them for anything and everything, and really feel that they’ve got my back, well…that’s just about the best thing EVER. :)

I love Rule #4 – be romantic in an innovative way! This is the woo, folks! :) I love this!! :) I may not agree with everything that is written up there about this, but oh lordy am I a fan of innovative romance. I think things like fun, unconventional dates are terrific, as are silly little happies designed solely to bring a smile to your face – those can’t be beat! For example, let’s say your Sweet rolls up one day with a Coconut Water for you while loudly declaring that they are NUTS about you (get it? Nuts – coconut??! :) ), simply because they know that you LOOOOOOVE that stuff and that hydration is important – it’s not a big deal, but it lets you know that they thought about you and they care. Awesome, right?! :) I know!! :) I personally love mix tapes (or playlists, whatever the kids are calling them these days), Chocolate-Covered Cherry Jelly Bellys, assorted other sweet treats, movie recommendations, poems, pretty much anything that lets me know that someone is thinking of me. :) I LOVE that! :) Every girl on this earth will, too – come to think of it, so will most every man! :)

Rule #5 is a no-brainer – we should always always show those around us that we care, every single day. You never know when your number will be up and wouldn’t it be awful to shuffle off this mortal coil without letting those that around you know how precious they are to you? Exactly. Be supportive, be respectful, and be there. Pretty simple advice, oui? :)


what-make-people-fall-in-love

 

Now, go on….get out there and woo. :) Let me know how it goes. :)

xxx

 

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Mama

In her lovely and brilliant book Bossypants , the magnificent Tina Fey pens this prayer for her daughter – let’s read it together, shall we? :-)

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The Mother’s Prayer for Its Daughter

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither the Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie- the- Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller- coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For Childhood is short— a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day— And Adulthood is long and Dry- Humping in Cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, That I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M ., all- at- once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back. “My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.”

And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen

 

Isn’t that just the very best? I know. I love it, too. :-) My Wee One has been going through a few growing pains lately and giving me (her old, beloved mother) some major heartburn….so thinking of wisdom like this does much to make me feel better.

Parenting. NOT for the weak of heart. ;-)

Xxx

 

PS: My Wee One is only allowed to have tattoos when she’s an adult, if she chooses what she wants carefully and thinks it over for a full year prior to getting it (my Dad’s rule, and it’s a good one), if the pictures are small enough so as not to hinder her career choices – and if she lets me go with her. :-)

PS: I am so in love with this line – May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers. Heehee!!!! :-)