DISCLAIMER: This post’s title is taken from a Lynyrd Skynyrd song – yes, I know it is grammatically incorrect, and yes, friends…it bugs the hell out of me, too. However, I am committed to keeping up with my thing of always naming my posts after the titles of songs, so…let’s just hold hands, ignore the grammar, and go with it, okay?
Good morning, friends! Happy Friday! I hope that this finds you feeling well and that all is shiny sparkly in your world! I’ve had one hell of a week at work, so I am anxious to get today out of the way and move on to a GREAT weekend – yaaa! Any exciting plans on your agenda?
After watching the movie “Silver Linings Playbook” yet again (I friggin’ LOVE that movie), I was talking about Bradley Cooper’s appearance on Bravo’s ‘Inside the Actor’s Studio’ from a few months ago – it was such a cool episode, since he was a graduate of that program at Pace University’s New York City campus. Some of his former teachers and mentors were there, and they showed a clip of him being a student in the audience and asking questions…it was a fantastic full-circle moment, and goodness knows I LOVE those! The person I was talking to was unfamiliar with the James Lipton show, so I was explaining the premise of the program – and, as you’ll know if you’ve ever watched ‘Inside the Actor’s Studio’, the questions that Lipton asks of every guests are nearly always the highlight! The questions that he asks are based upon questions that French television host Bernard Pivot asked on his show ‘Apostrophes’, which were derived from the Proust Questionnaire – here they are:
- What is your favorite word?
- What is your least favorite word?
- What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally?
- What turns you off?
- What is your favorite curse word?
- What sound or noise do you love?
- What sound or noise do you hate?
- What profession other than your own would you like to attempt?
- What profession would you not like to do?
- If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
I loooove these questions, and I absolutely delight in asking them of people! Let’s have us a little lookie-peek at these, shall we? The first one asks for your favorite word – I find this a toughie, because goodness knows I love words and use enough of them in a day. I think that mine is IMAGINE. Or LOVE…it’s almost a tie. The second question is about your least favorite word, and that one is easy as hell for this girl – NO. I hate to ever hear no. Next, we are on to what turns you on – for me, it is intelligence, a sense of humor, creativity, an open mind and heart, and nice eyes. A cute bum doesn’t hurt. I also am excited by stimulating conversations, and people who are articulate and have interests – it doesn’t matter if they are the same as mine or not (they usually aren’t, but we all know that I’m kind of an eccentric weirdo, and I pride myself on that), but people who are passionate about their hobbies and beliefs are smokin’ hot in my book. I always figure that it doesn’t matter what it is that you do, just do it well, with pride and a heart full of passion. To quote the best TV show of all time ‘Friday Night Lights’ – CLEAR EYES, FULL HEARTS, CAN’T LOSE. (NOTE: There is NO better character on TV ever than the divine Connie Briton’s portrayal of Tami Taylor – she was perfection; and, truth be told, I want her life and I want to learn to live like her…ascribing to the philosophy of WWTTD? – What would Tami Taylor Do?…and I’m not even kidding! Google that question and prepare to be dazzled by the online devotion to Tami Taylor and wondering what she would do in any given situation – it’s awesome)
The next question asks what turns you off – this is pretty easy, too: I don’t enjoy people who are arrogant, who think they know everything and have all the answers, and don’t engage in conversation with you, but prefer to lecture. I can’t stand that. There are ways to speak conversationally to people, to engage in the back-and-forth that builds relationships and forges bonds – and talking down to others in a lecturing tone is not the way to go. Plus, it’s just icky and annoying. I am also turned off by people who have no hobbies or interests, because their lack of anything going on makes conversation with them highly difficult. I find people who can’t laugh at themselves troubling, laziness drives me bloody bonkers, and those who take themselves too seriously haven’t a hope in hell with me – life is just too short. Question #5 is one of my very favorites – it’s the curse word question! Yaaa! I have a rather colorful and foul mouth a lot of the time – it’s not because I lack the intelligence or vocabulary to produce proper words, but, truth be told, there’s just something magical about a well-placed dirty word. My favorites are: mothafucka (said the way that Hank Moody says it on ‘Californication’), shit (or the brown word, as we call it at my house), and I have been known to particularly enjoy cocksucker (sorry if I’ve offended you). I know that I have a potty mouth and I am working on it (the Wee One has a swear jar, and each bad word costs me 25cents towards her Paris Trip fund…unless I let loose with two in one sentence, which ups the cost to $5 – with the amount of stress I’ve had lately, I think the kid may be able to afford her trip to Paris by mid-June!), but there are just some times when turning the air blue with your foul mouth is a glorious thing.
The sound or noise that I love is easy – my Wee One’s voice. She has the sweetest little voice I’ve ever heard in my life, and hearing her sounds like heaven to me. When she giggles, I believe that miracles can happen…it’s the most gorgeous sound I’ve ever heard! If I had to pick another sound or noise I dig, it would be the sound of the harp – ’cause that is something real cool. A sound or noise I hate is fingernails on a blackboard (ickity ick ick ick!), or the sound of someone barfing – I’m a wee bit of a sympathy barfer, so if I hear someone really going for it, the chances are that I will end up sick, too. I’m odd. I know. I love thinking about the next question – what profession other than your own would you like to attempt…I am always working on my list of answers for this one – here’s what I’ve come up with: writer, lawyer, chef, art historian, circus clown, travel journalist, or movie critic. The professions that I have no interest in attempting include anything related to the undertaking/mortuary sciences, proctologist, garbage person, or accountant. I can’t even imagine how awful I would be at these jobs – yikes!
The final question is such an interesting one – if Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? My answer is pretty simple – wasn’t that a hell of a ride???! What took you so long, friend? Come on in!!! I hope that I will someday get let in to Heaven…whatever that means. Hopefully my list of sins (which is considerable, I’m well aware) isn’t too egregious, and I will still be permitted inside – hopefully. I don’t know what Heaven looks like, but I highly doubt it resembles the cloud-filled diaper-land of the Philadelphia Cream Cheese commercials…instead, I imagine it to have beautiful beaches, and lush rainforests, with all of the food and treats and candy you can eat, and Molson Canadian beer and my favorite French wines will flow from fountains. There will be tons of chocolate, gummy bears galore, and the sun will always shine. I think Heaven will be full of all the people I’ve most wanted to meet, and that all of the demons that tormented us in our mortal lives will be gone, leaving us with happy hearts and souls. I imagine that my version of Heaven will include swimming pools, and an ever-present hockey game…and Stompin’ Tom will be playing over the PA system. I also think that my Heaven will have my Dad in it, sitting there patiently waiting for me to arrive – so that we can enjoy a beer together and talk about our days. The rest of my family will be there, too – and Gram, Grandpa and I will sit around the table, chat, and I will strike a ridiculous yoga pose to make Grandpa laugh, just like I used to. It will be magnificent!
How would you answer this questionnaire? Send me your responses – I can’t wait to read them!