Knowledge is power, they say…but is that always the case? I’m all about learning – not that surprising for someone who has worked in Education for nearly 20 years. I believe passionately in the idea of lifelong learning, and I am such a believer in knowledge being the key to enlightenment – however, there are things that I believe we are better of NOT knowing. Are you with me?
First off – I don’t need to know your ‘number’, nor do you need to know mine. Of course you know I’m not talking about our phone numbers (everyone and their kitten has mine, I’m sure…no big whoop), I’m speaking of the number of others (significant or insignificant) you’ve been intimate with. A lot of people believe this to be a critical question – I couldn’t disagree more, actually. Rarely do people tell the truth about their number, anyway – women are famous for shaving a few (or a few dozen – absolutely no judgment here folks) off their numbers, while men have been known to add a few (or a few zeroes) to theirs. What do we accomplish by pressing our partners to tell us this? Not a lot. The knowledge is going to hurt us – if their number is high, we run the risk of thinking they’re a whore and we won’t measure up to their masses of other partners, leaving us feeling jealous as all hell and hideously inadequate. If their number is really low, then we have a dilemma – do we tell the truth and feel whorish ourselves, or do we lie and then feel like shit? Either way, nobody wins. This is a time when knowing something is probably going to hurt far more than it will help.
Another thing that we don’t need to know is whether or not our arse looks big in something – sadly, if we have to ask, then it probably does. I’m sorry, friends. But…so what if your arse looks wide??! Who cares??? There are a lot of men out there who worship a big caboose, so…not to worry! What are you going to do – stay home because you’ve got a big butt and you cannot lie?? Noooo!!!!! That’s insane!! It is what it is, you are what you are…just own it. Be it. Be you! Enjoy that junk in your trunk!! You are definitely good enough – that is something you always need to know.
There are a bunch of things that I personally don’t want to know – some of them are insignificant (whether or not someone was lying to me 20 years ago – it doesn’t matter now; what exactly goes in to sausage; whether or not my friends would consider cannibalism and eat me should we ever be in an airplane crash in the Andes), and some of them are pretty big. I’ve written before of the absolute heartbreak that I went through when I lost my Dad to Alzheimer’s eight years ago – his battle with that wretched disease was hands down the most difficult thing I have ever dealt with in my life, and I still find it hard. When my Dad died, a number of people talked to me about having genetic testing done, to determine whether or not I had the gene responsible for Alzheimer’s. I thought about this for a very long time, and came to the conclusion that knowing if I had the gene was not important, and that nothing good would come from it. It would probably change the way I lived my life, I would have second thoughts about doing a number of things, and…what’s the point in that? I wouldn’t want to live half a life, would you? Probably not. So, I decided not to have the testing done, and I’m still happy with that decision. I’m not getting any younger, and if I happen to have the gene behind Alzheimer’s, then…I have it. I will know soon enough. In the meantime, I endeavor to live every day the best that I possibly can – and every time I remember a useless fact (which happens a zillion times a day, because my memory is pretty amazing – don’t think the irony of me, the daughter of a man who had Alzheimer’s when he was incredibly young, having a great memory is lost on me – it’s not), I celebrate because I’m doing all that I can to keep my mind active and engaged in the world around me. If I have the gene, all I can do is keep my mind going for as long as possible…and enjoy the ride.
On a lighter note….here’s a few other things we probably don’t need to know:
- You have approximately 4,000 wax glands in each ear – gross, right?
- A cockroach can live nine days without its head before it dies of starvation – disgusting. Disgusting disgusting disgusting.
- More people are killed by donkeys each year than die in plane crashes. What the hell are these people doing to their donkeys??!
- There are 336 dimples on a regulation golf ball.