Lately, some of my girlfriends and I have been discussing the laws of attraction, and what it is that draws us to other people. We weren’t specifically speaking of romantic entanglements (although those most certainly did come up – we are girls, after all!), but friendships and work relationships, too. We found that the list of things that attracts us is long, and dramatically different for each one of us - there didn’t seem to be just one reason that we found ourselves wanting to be around someone – except for Channing Tatum. We all decided in the hallway outside my office this morning that Channing Tatum could eat crackers in bed and leave crumbs everywhere, fart like a mo’fo and dutch oven us under the sheets, and it would be perfectly okay. Isn’t it lovely that we can all agree on something?
You know what attracts me to anybody – friends, significant others, people to chat with on an airplane? Someone who is interesting, witty, funny, and most of all, kind. I don’t particularly care to spend my time around people who are assholes, so…sadly that lets out a lot of the population. I am drawn to people who are charming and personable, and those who can hold a conversation are the most amazing in my books! There is a word that I grew up saying that is such a perfect descriptor for some peeps – the word is lummur (we pronounce it like lum-ah) (sp?), an Icelandic term for ‘flat pancake’, and it’s used to describe those insipid people who have absolutely no personality (I’m sure you know some). I avoid those people like they have some sort of plague…it doesn’t matter how bloody cute a person is, if their personality is pathetic, there’s absolutely no point in trying to forge a relationship there.
Attraction is such a funny thing, though…there are those people who you know from the word go are completely and utterly wrong for you (they aren’t bad peeps, just bad for you and your delicate sensibilities), but you find yourself so magnetically drawn to them that you don’t want to stay away from them, not even a little bit. You think about them a lot - and in your mind, they are usually in their birthday suits and a compromising position. And even though you know that nothing good will come of this for you or your heart, you still do it anyway. And it’s friggin’ blissful. Until it’s not. And they start doing things to hurt you and disappoint you and you’d really be happiest if you never had a thought of them again – except that you do. And they’re probably still in their damn birthday suits. It’s so frustrating, don’t you think?
What attracts you to the people in your life, friends? I came across this fab article entitled ‘How To Get Anyone To Find You Irresistibly Attractive’ and just knew that I had to share it with you (heehee!) – here’s the six easy steps!
1) Do something with the person you want to be attractive to where emotional arousal is high. This includes watching thrilling movies, sitting next to each other on an intense amusement park ride, or even exercising. These activities raise adrenaline, if even a little bit, which enhances emotional feelings towards whomever you are with. Talk about topics that feed romance. Good subjects are: hopes and aspirations, personal interests, music, dreams and travel.
2) Youthfulness is a perception that increases attraction in many people. Posture and walking forms greatly influence how youthful you appear. Therefore, people who are flexible, and exhibit their flexibility in their daily posture, seem more youthful. The practice of yoga may help increase flexibility as well as peace of mind
3) Look directly in the person’s eyes while talking and listening to them. Studies confirm that passionate feelings for someone can easily form when they gaze into your eyes. Do not look away or let your eyes wander while practicing this.
4) People find others more attractive when they feel confident about themselves. Approach someone while they are self-conscious, and be friendly, so that you will actually appear more attractive to that person.
5) Once the person likes you already, let them know that you like them. This will greatly deepen the attraction, bringing on the wonderful emotion of hope. They will feel hopeful for a relationship with you. However, this will only work if you are sure that they like you.
6) A very strong bond occurs when we feel physical attraction and affection towards someone and that person reciprocates the feelings. In fact, the “go” signals a person receives is a more powerful motivator than how physically attractive the object of desire is. People are simply attracted to others (platonically and romantically) more when they know the other person likes them.
I don’t know about you, but I am absolutely right in love with these tips! Yaaa! Here’s the cheat sheet short form for you: find someone that you like who suffers from low self-esteem; have your friend pass them a note junior high-style asking if they like you or not; do something with them that will scare the living shit out of both of you (visit a cemetery at midnight, perhaps?); while you’re there, show them your very best yoga poses while staring deeply into their eyes (choose a pose that has your head in the air rather than your arse…makes eye contact much easier); as you do your downward-facing dog or cobra pose – and look at them - tell them that you think they are peachy-keen; and finally, hope to Christ that they do like you and return your feelings, because we all like someone who we know likes us. Heehee! Easy-peasy-lemon-squeezy, yes???! I find these steps hilarious – and I’m not sure why. I know there are some valid points in there – but, tell me this, friends…is it not best to just be yourself and hope that you can find someone out there in this big ol’ world who happens to like your particular brand of crazy enough to want to be around it all the time? I think that’s a much better way forward. Many times in life, I have pretended to be someone I’m not in order to get the attention of someone – and, you know what? It’s freaking exhausting. Screw that…I just can’t do it anymore. I figure that I am what I am, and anyone who can’t appreciate that ought to really shove off and move along. I’m not so bad most of the time (I’m not so good, either…but that’s talk for another day ), and there are moments (brief, but still) when I am positively delightful and anyone would be lucky to be in my company, so…let’s go with that.
Now: on to practice my yoga – I’m ever-so bendy!