I’ve written before about ‘The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills’ - I understand that my watching this is rather ridiculous, but it keeps me entertained and off the streets, so…it’s all good. Lately, though, the show has had me mighty fired up – let me explain.
Earlier this season, I thought that new housewife Yolanda was boring and arrogant – and I so need to retract that. Yes, she does have a rather high opinion of herself, but if I looked like that and had her life, I probably would be livin’ pretty large myself. However, that woman is not even a wee bit boring! She speaks her mind, and I think her honesty and straightforward-ness is super damn refreshing. She calls those two-faced witches on that show out on all of their bullshit – and let me tell you, there is a LOT of bullshit…she’s bloody fantastic! Love her!! I so enjoy the way she supports Brandi – at first, I was troubled about Brandi, too, but I have really grown to love her. There are times that I think she needs to – in her words – shut the fuck up, and think before she speaks, but.. I SO understand where she’s coming from. She doesn’t have the advantages and safety nets the other girls have, so I totally get her. I’m also pretty smitten with her friendship with Ken and Lisa – the love between those three may be my favorite relationship on TV. Love it! ♥
The show started introducing yet another new housewife this season – Marisa Zanuck. I’m still on the fence about her – I think she got swept away a few times in the whole gossip of it all and sunk herself to the shitty depths of the rest of those hags, but I do think she wasn’t too bad. However, the one thing I didn’t care for at all was the way she talked about her husband Dean. He seems to be a lovely, handsome man who deserves better press than her stupid remarks about her loins and how they burn to bone other men. Even if she thinks that, she doesn’t need to say it on national television!! Have some friggin’ respect you no-class harpie! Christ!! By the way – Dean, call me, I’ll hook you up. You can SO do better! (and, is it just me or is this chick way too long in the truth for such youthful, Heidi-esque braided hairdos? Yuck!)
Let’s talk about Kyle Richards now, shall we? I used to like Kyle quite a lot, but I totally need to take that back – her true colors showed up loud and clear this year, and…it’s not pretty, friends. This woman is the biggest shit-disturber that I have EVER seen, and she seems to like nothing better than to cause trouble for everyone else. She never shuts her mouth, doesn’t hesitate to throw everyone under the bus, and she talks shit behind EVERYONE’S back! It’s vile! I always thought her hubby Mauricio was pretty foxy (still do), but I lost quite a bit of respect for him this year when he ran his mouth at Brandi – he’s a dude, and he really ought to know better than to get after a woman like that. Not cool, man. Frankly, I fear that all of his time around that batshit crazy wife of his has started to corrupt him – who’s in for joining me on an intervention???! Kyle is one of the ultimate ‘mean girls’ on TV – and NOBODY likes a mean girl. (NOTE: Did you watch the first part of the Reunion show on Monday? Girl looked CRAZY and acted appallingly!!! Embarrassing!!! I love it when Yolanda gives her hell – Kyle’s mad-Botoxed face doesn’t know how to react to somebody with the nuts to stand up to her!!!)
The above picture is just too funny for words – please forgive my cattiness, but…come on. How can I not comment on that??! While we’re on the topic of Adrienne Maloof, her behavior this year has been the height of ridiculousness! There was a whole big scandal involving some secret that Brandi said out loud about Adrienne (that everyone else apparently knew, so…what’s the big whoop?) – and then Adrienne and Paul threatened to sue Brandi (because there’s a fair financial fight if ever there was), even though last year when Taylor’s deceased husband Russell threatened to sue them, Adrienne was all, “But friends don’t sue friends!”…and then she, Princess Hideous of Hypocrite Island turns around and pulls the same shit on Brandi! Are you kidding me??! As well, she alienated pretty much everyone by acting like a raging hosebag, and the shitty way she treated her husband was appalling as well. Paul had his douchey moments (especially when he squabbled with Brandi at Mauricio’s event/function to try to force his friends to buy his real estate), but he has since apologized to Brandi – and if she’s good with him, then so am I. That man deserves a prize for enduring Adrienne, one of the shrillest harpies to ever darken our TV screens (I imagine that being in her presence is akin to that of the Death Eaters from Harry Potter – the air gets cold around you, and you begin feeling empty inside and bad about yourself). She won’t be back on the show (she didn’t even show up at the Reunion – hurray! – although Andy Cohen from Bravo was pissed) – and she’s currently dating Rod Stewart’s son Sean. ‘Cause that’s not weird at all.
I rather love Ken, Lisa, and their little dog, too (what up, Giggy?!?!!) – and the thing that I probably love most of all is the way they stand up for Brandi, and the way that Lisa calls out that lizard-like arsehole of a human being Kyle on her passive-aggressive shit. Go on with yo’ bad self, Lisa!!! Love that! I also find Lisa stunningly beautiful, and the way that Ken dotes on her makes me feel tingly inside…I want nothing more than someone (anyone? anyone? Bueller?) to feel that way about me! You can tell that Ken thinks that every day with his wife is his luckiest, he can’t believe how far above his pay grade she is, and he respects her and genuinely likes her a whole big bunch. I love that! Plus, I think Giggy is cute, too.
I came across a series of recaps from this season yesterday – and I have sadness in my heart that I have had to go up ’til now without them. They’re on the website Vulture, written by a woman named Julie Klausner – you MUST check them out!!! She is an AMAZING writer, and truth be told, I would probably read technical how-to manuals on Physics if this broad wrote them – she is FANTASTIC! Be sure to read them with delight, and be prepared to guffaw like a freaking idiot when you do (one of my favorites was her disdain for Kyle Richards shining through when she called her something like a ‘beet and goat-cheese fart’ – heehee!). She also shares my absolute and utter loathing of the MORALLY CORRUPT FAYE RESNICK (thanks again for that gem of a descriptor, Camille Grammer!) – that stupid woman has been spewing shit on the show this season like a fountain. somewhere along the way, Ms. Resnick developed this deluded notion that anyone cares what she has to say to the world. Guess what? We don’t! She needs to crawl back into the hole she slithered out of – and she needs to be quiet. Her opinions, quite simply, are nothing. She’s gross. (no wonder she and Kyle are friends)
Before I go, the best line of this current season came courtesy of Yolanda, when she said to Brandi: “Who is Adrienne Maloof in this world?” Excellent put down, Yolanda – and SO TRUE. Who are any of these ladies, apart from being some good, cheap entertainment that keeps me company when I’m alone at home????!
PS: Lest you think I am taking this all too seriously and start circling the wagons and planning an intervention – I’m fine, all is good…and I solemnly promise to not watch another Housewives series EVER (sorry, Bravo) – but you have to allow me my RHOBH!!! I’m into it now – I have to see how it ends!! (my prediction? Probably not well.)
PS Again: This recap is one of Klausner’s best – bonus points for her usage of one of my favorite words of ALL TIME…’gunt’! Well played, master…well played!